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Author Topic: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades  (Read 3826 times)

Squeegy

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The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« on: January 26, 2008, 02:48:00 pm »

There is one word that strikes fear into hearts of cave dwellers.
She who killed a giant cave spider.
The axedragon, the murderer.
The bane of monsters everywhere.
Riskseduced.

The cave swallowman shuddered. "I swear I heard a noise out there, man."
"I'm sure it was just another sacrifice." The giant bat put his wing around the swallowman comfortingly. "It can't be Riskseduced, she wouldn't come here."
"There's the ettin! She always comes after cave rulers! I'm telling you, we're all gonna die!"
"We have a giant cave spider guarding the entrance, she couldn't possibly get past that. Even if she did, we have more farther in."
"AUGH! MY FOOT!"
"What was that?!"
"I don't know."
"Jesus! Help!"
The bat pointed at the swallowman. "Go further in. I'll be right back." The swallowman nodded silently, retreating into the safety of the darkness.
The bat carefully treaded forward, looking around, making no noise. Suddenly, he stumbled, and fell over with a disgusting squelching sound. "Ick, what the hell?" He picked himself up and looked down. The mutilated corpse of a naked mole dog was strewn across the tunnel in several pieces. The bat shuddered, and turned around. He retreated backwards, looking for his friend. Out of nowhere, something flew by right in front of him and exploded against the wall. The bat jumped back, took one look at the horrible carnage of his friend, and made like a giant bat out of Hell down the tunnel.
A bolt flew out of the darkness and struck him in the leg, causing him to lose his balance and fall over. A shadow slunk out of the blackness, surveying him.
Maybe it was the giant rabbit's foot. Maybe the murderer was tired. But as the bat frantically attempted to crawl away, Riskseduced left, followed by a troop of hydras that stepped on the bat as the followed.
He shuddered, and eventually fell asleep as cries and screams echoed through the cave walls.

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Armok

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2008, 04:17:00 pm »

Those poor, gentle creatures...  :(

Negative trice cursed be Ngopex.

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So says Armok, God of blood.
Sszsszssoo...
Sszsszssaaayysss...
III...

Gaulgath

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2008, 10:10:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by Armok:
<STRONG>Those poor, gentle creatures...   :(
</STRONG>

You may want to remove "God of Blood" from your user title. And change your user name.

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Fenrir

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2008, 10:18:00 pm »

Why would a caveswallowman shout "Jesus"?!
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Slappy Moose

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2008, 01:35:00 am »

quote:
Originally posted by Gaulgath:
<STRONG>

You may want to remove "God of Blood" from your user title. And change your user name.</STRONG>


Agreed.

Armok must not be swayed by slaughter of the innocent!

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Squeegy

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2008, 03:48:00 am »

quote:
Originally posted by Fenrir:
<STRONG>Why would a caveswallowman shout "Jesus"?!</STRONG>

Why would a U-turn in a pipe generate infinite magma?

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subject name here

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2008, 05:22:00 am »

quote:
Originally posted by Fenrir:
<STRONG>Why would a caveswallowman shout "Jesus"?!</STRONG>

Maybe he's talking about that kobold from the civilization and god thing toady posted?

Squeegy

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2008, 10:11:00 pm »

"Wow, there are more troglodytes in this cave than grains of sand in a desert." The dragon muttered, severing the head of one as she spoke. The hydra swordsman next to her nodded with one of its heads. The dragon twisted around and sliced a batman in two, sending it flying down the tunnel and smashing into an obstacle.

Walking down the passage, Ngopex happened upon a giant mole. She promptly severed its leg, causing it to fall unconscious while she choked it. It was a slow and painful death, usually reserved for semi-megabeasts. "I might come off as unnecessarily cruel, but I'll be damned if it isn't fun," she muttered. Ngopex looked around. "Where the hell is that giant?"

In the distance, there were sounds of a fight, and a shatter. She frowned. "Are they fighting without me again?" An iron man snuck up behind her and tried to grab her, but she twirled and cut it in two.

Suddenly, in front of her, a giant roared. "I am Ero Bowedlistens! Prepare to die!" Ngopex was unimpressed, and cut its head off.

[ January 27, 2008: Message edited by: Squeegy ]

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penguinofhonor

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2008, 11:23:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by Gaulgath:
<STRONG>

You may want to remove "God of Blood" from your user title. And change your user name.</STRONG>


Maybe "Armokkins, God of Cute Animals and Makeup."

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Armok

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #9 on: January 28, 2008, 07:22:00 am »

:mad:
That was an elf quote.
A joke.
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Torak

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #10 on: January 30, 2008, 08:50:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by Armok:
<STRONG> :mad:
That was an elf quote.
A joke.</STRONG>

Which elf feels sympathy for cave creatures?

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Impending Doom

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2008, 08:56:00 pm »

quote:
Which elf feels sympathy for cave creatures?

Remember, we're talking about creatures who feel sympathy for TREES here. They probably doo feel sorry for them.

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Fenrir

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2008, 09:16:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by Torak:
<STRONG>Which elf feels sympathy for cave creatures?</STRONG>

That's what the elves say when you try to give them animal-based prdoucts. They've probably never even seen cave creatures.
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Armok

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Re: The Slaughterer, Ngopex Riskseduced the Tear of Trades
« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2008, 10:31:00 am »

I am an environmentalist, I also believe in equal rights for all, regardless of;
chemical composition (computers), sentience (trees), reality (imaginary), or anything else. The only exception is Awesome, so Toady shuld have more rights than anybody else, also being a complete jackass excludes you, so there goes more than 99% of humanity.
(exaggeration)
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So says Armok, God of blood.
Sszsszssoo...
Sszsszssaaayysss...
III...