Commander: Alright, let's do this shit.
Elder: Unfortunate, that you have to-
Commander: Not listening. Alright team, we got some aliens to smush.
Elder: Is that a floating gun?
Commander: Hell yeah. Now let's get this ball rolling.
Brass: Aye sir. Am I still in command?
Commander: Yep.
Brass: Awesome.
Kaos: (Thank, fucking, god)
Commander: Kaos, you're on deputy leadership duty.
Kaos: (Fuck) Yes sir.
Brass: Alright, all forces advances. King, take point.
King: Aye.
*some time later*
King: I have visual.
Brass: Take a closer look if you can.
King: Aye. *is revealed*
King: Fuck.
Brass: So much for the stealthy approach. Engage!
Commander: That sectopod really shouldn't be out here.
CB: Who cares? We're dropping it.
*CB goes in and does what Samurai does best*
CB: Ah hell. More of 'em!
Commander: Wow, I mean I usually see this shit behind a screen but this vision thing is stupid.
Brass: I know, right?
Shock&Awe: Rapport later, fight now!
Commander: Ok, ok, geez.
Literally Everybody: O_O
Elder: See?! See??? I told you he was amazing!
Elder2: Ok, jeez. You know he's out to kill us, right?
Elder: ...I'm strangely ok with that.
Elder3: (Fukin' M.)
*Acts of incredible violence continues*
Brass: Do something about that sectopod. Leaving it alone seems stupid.
One-Shot: Aye.
Brass: Rojas!
Rojas: On it!
Rojas: I got a little something for a situation just like this.
Everyone: O_O
Alien responsible for armoring the aliens: Ok see how the fuck is
that fair? I spent like three hours making sure their plating is up to code!
Commander: you guys have a code?
Alien Armorer: Who did you think we were, Chinese?
[Disclaimer: I can make that joke about my own people]
Brass: Alright, it's on the ropes. Who's got the last shot?
Porkins: Me.
Alien Armorer: *pathetic sobbing*
Commander: there's a Mech with overwatch. Somebody tap him so we can get a move on.
Kaos: Got it.
Kaos: There's another mech out there.
Brass: Got it.
Commander: Why can't we just get Shen to deploy a cloud of these things?
Shen: Because we're poor, commander.
Commander: Ok, right, the mission.
Jack: Thank you.
Brass: Mop 'em up, will you?
Vanya & CB: Yep.
*They do*
Bradford: Commander, ADVENT is stepping up their attacks across the globe.
Commander: Understood. Keep as we are.
Brass: Really?
Commander: Taking unneccessary risks in the name of speed won't make this go any faster. King, up front.
King: I see 'em.
Flash: Moving forward. *pops the pod*.
Archon: Hey guys we heard like twenty people dying, do you happen to know what was up with that?
Everyone: Yes.
Archon: Cool. REPENT SINNERS
CB: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
CB: I win.
Archon: PURGE THE UNWORTHY!! *Blazing Pinyons*
Commander who has cheated in like 200 AWC days: That seems like cheating.
Everyone: =_=
Commander: What? Just putting that out there.
CB: SHIT!
Matron: I got him.
CB: Whew. Thank ya.
Matron: Watch the window.
CB: yep.
*Our turn*
Brass: MURDER THAT FUCKING ARCHON!
Archon: HERESY!
*Everybody lays into him*
Jack: Now stay dead.
Brass: Good, now kill the last of 'em.
*they do*
Rojas: Next batch here.
Brass: Pity they saw us like this. Reform and engage.
Commander: MORTAL COMBAT!!
Commander: Don't stand in that when it explodes, it'll kill ya.
Brass: ...right, well, mop up the rest.
Kaos: Is it really mop up if they're basically fresh?
Rojas: Gah! Fuck.
Shen: My armor! I spent hours on that!
Alien: SEE?!
Rojas: Cunt.
Brass: There was no way you'd hit.
Rojas: It's the message that matters.
One-Shot: What, that you're a terrible shot?
Rojas: Shush, you. Also, dead Andro moving in.
Porkins: Got 'em.
Brass: Nice shot.
Brass: Jesus christ.
Commander: Told you stepping in it would be a bad idea.
Brass: Well...ok then.
Porkins: Engaging bogey.
Brass: Do you have to spin like that?
Porkin: Dunno what you're talking about.
King: Uh, guys?
Commander: Eyes on the prize, people. What the aliens are doing is an open secret.
King: R-right. There's another group beyond the enclosure.
Brass: Copy. Finish off these two first.
*so they do*
CB: More of 'em!
Brass: HOLD FIRE
CB: Too late!
Brass: Oh sweet jesus.
CB: Um.
Commander: It's specifically your problem.
CB: Damn.
Brass: Engage!
Kaos: Aye.
Brass: Get some frost on those balls before they fuck all of us.
Jack: I can only hit one of them.
Brass: Better than nothing. Do it.
Jack: Done.
Commander: I'll take him.
Brass: What
Brass: Couldn't you have done that on the live one?
Commander: Can't. It was live.
Brass: ...I'll take your word for it.
Commander: Mop up the Codexes before this more complicated.
Vanya: 'k.
(Repeat above a few times)
Brass: Look out, they're moving!
Commander: Ah shit.
A lot people: Fuckin' Hell!
Vanya: Fuckin' hell.
Vanya: Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
Commander: Hey Vanya, your shield's still working, right?
Vanya: Yes, why?
Commander: Just checking.
Vanya: WHAT THE HELL?!?
Commander: It held, didn't it?
Rojas: Just kill the damn balls before things get worse!
Porkins: Aye.
(He looks so strangely white.)
(All that happened in one turn)
Commander: Damn. Good work Leeroy. Alright, reform and advance, we're not out of the woods yet.
(We executed the captured Gateway later)
Brass: new batch. What's on the menu?
Commander: I got this.
Brass: Nicely done, sir. Alright, mop 'em up.
Shock&Awe: Done.
Brass: Alright, now let's see what we're...
Brass: ...dealing...with.
Kaos: Were we under water the entire time?
Commander: Target in front, focus on him first.
(Avatar shows up then poofs)
Commander: So that's how it's gonna be. Everybody move up and position.
King: I see 'em.
Commander: Good. Let's finish this.
Kaos: Understood.
Commander: Begin.
Hellion: Hell yeah.
Kaos: Piss.
(Kaos proceeds to miss every overwatch shot except one)
Schmidt: My turn.
Kaos: Your turn to do what?
Schmidt: Shush.
Kaos: I'm just sayin', if you can't deliver-
Schmidt: Wait where did the Avatar go?
King: He's dead.
Porkins: LEEROY
Porkins: ...Porkins.
Brass: Oh my god he just killed everything.
Kaos: Is that how that joke went?
King: what do we do now? the Avatar is dead.
Commander: They have spares. Set up and prepare to intercept anything that comes out of the other gateways.
*A few Faceless and Codexes warp in*
Kaos: Let's get to work then.
CB: Aye.
*They get ded really fast*
Avatar: 'Sup?
King: 'sup.
Avatar: Blarg
Matron: Yo.
Avatar: *ded*
The Elders: Ok guys we really need to give our Avatars some actual armor
*some 20 minutes of wiping out mooks later*
Commander: Third one is here.
Kaos: Aye.
Commander: can you drag him closer?
Kaos: Ok, one more.
Kaos: ...he's out of my line of sight.
Hellion: I'll break his legs!
Avatar: Wait what
Avatar: Blarg
Commander: hello.
Avatar: ...Uh.
Avatar: Can we talk about this?
Commander: No.
Avatar: Dang.
Commander: Indeed.
Author
Topic: XCOM Longwar 2 - Finished (Missions Done: 202) (Read 24014 times)