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[Tawa]

Crusader Kings II is a grand strategy video game published in 2011 by Paradox Interactive, a sequel to their 2007 cult classic Crusader Kings. Unlike their other popular grand strategy games, like Europa Universalis and Hearts of Iron, where the player controls the generally amorphous government of a nation-state, players in Crusader Kings control a dynastic succession of rulers throughout the Early, High, and Late Middle Ages, and each character in the game has their own statistics, personality traits, and character portraits. Players can arrange marriages, conquer land, usurp titles, and, of course, fight in Crusades (deus vult!), whether as a lowly count or the emperor of all Europe. Expansions to the game have added many more functions, like allowing players to play as Muslims, pagans, or nomads, and adding features such as earlier start dates and more complex internal politics.

Spoiler: Disclaimers (click to show/hide)

This Let's Play will focus on storytelling. Rather than writing a first-person account of the exploits of the characters, this will be written in a third-person limited point of view. I will not include many extraneous screenshots, preferring to focus on notable events (especially those that aid in storytelling,) and will change or embellish details as pertains to the plot. Additionally, I fully admit to savescumming when things happen that severely interrupt the flow of the narrative (e.g. the protagonist randomly dying in a battle before winning the most major war of his life.)

Also, the beginnings of this Let's Play are not historical in the slightest. I have no clue how Paradox Interactive managed to screw up this badly when they literally link the Wikipedia pages in the game, but as far as I can tell, Hugo Welf was a monk and the guardian of Robert the Strong's sons in real life. He did not appear to ever own any land or titles, and the Hugo in the game seems to be a composite character of two different Hugos in 800s France based on his relation by marriage to Robert the Strong. I have chosen to ignore this bizarre break from real history in favor of a more compelling narrative.

Finally, to those of you wondering about the de Crepon LP: I'll probably update that soon. I've put it off for a while due to purchasing DLC in the meantime and finding the current character a bit dull, but I will try to have the next update completed eventually.

Spoiler: Chapter One: Hugo Welf (click to show/hide)

Eudes Capet has not had the most blessed of lives, as far as the lives of nobility go. Following his father Robert the Strong's untimely demise at the hands of the feared Viking Haesteinn of Nantes, the scheming Hugo Welf briefly stepped in as regent for young Eudes--and in doing so, subtly usurped the titles that should have passed to Eudes by the ancient Salic law of the Franks. Hoping to legitimize his position as Duke of Anjou, Duke Welf allowed Eudes to keep the petty county of Chartres, paling in comparison to the vast lands and titles Welf robbed of him.



Half a year has passed since Robert the Strong met his end against the Northmen in Brittany. At daybreak, Eudes mounts his finest destrier in the courtyard of Chartres, his seven-year-old brother Robert atop a pony at his side. Accompanied by the finest knights in Chartres, Sir Julien and Sir Érrard, Eudes bids his sister Regelinde farewell, a babe in the arms of his father's trusted housemaid Margot, who has cared for Robert's children since his death. "Robert and I won't be long, Margot. Sir Julien and Sir Érrard will see us safely to Bourbon within two days," Eudes reassures his regent and caregiver. "I will do my best to care for the castle while you are away, milord," Margot dutifully responds. "And please, milord, do send my regards to your uncle."



At noon the following day, Eudes and his three companions ride in through the gates of Castle Bourbon, the residence of Count Eudes the older, an uncle and trusted friend of young Eudes. Diligent, patient, and bookish, Eudes the older is the count of Blois, Bourges, and Bourbon, and has been a source of aid and consolation to the Capet brothers in these trying times.

"My lord uncle, I have come to petition for your aid." Eudes the younger's voice echoes through the high hall of Castle Bourbon. Clad in a fine, green tunic, Eudes stands before his uncle, as lordly as a fifteen-year-old can appear. "I have thought long on your counsel. As I am sure you are aware, my brother and I are outraged at the injustices done unto us by Duke Welf, and we intend to act against him soon. However, we cannot muster enough men to attack him from Chartres alone." "You seek an alliance," responds Eudes the older, his voice halfway between amusement and blunt observation. "We do. Uncle, the realm cannot handle a man like Welf. His lustful ways bring him the ire of the church, the peasantry, and King Charles. We would depose him ourselves, but Chartres is small. Your lands are numerous and bountiful, and you could call many men to aid you. Will you help us in this time of need--not only of the Capets, but of West Francia itself?"

Eudes the elder replies without a second thought. "Of course I shall aid you, Eudes. We are family, after all, and the Capets are not the most numerous of houses. If you cannot turn to me, then who could you?" A smile peers through the commanding facade of the younger Eudes. "Thank you, Uncle. We shall send for you when the time is come."



The following day, young Eudes sets off once again, bidding a sad farewell to his uncle. Encouraged by his kinsman's kindness and willingness to aid him in this dark hour, he and his brother ride northeast to Castle Rethel in Vermandois, the demesne of the aging Pepin Karling--a direct descendent of Charlemagne himself. Though his lands are small, and he has no relation to the Capets, there is much to be gained by an alliance with the Karlings.

At nightfall, Eudes arrives at the gates. "Hail! I am Count Eudes of House Capet, true ruler of Anjou and friend to the sons of Charles the Great!" he shouts to the guards. "What business have you in Vermandois, disgraced heir?" "I seek to negotiate with Count Pepin. The terms of an alliance... and a marriage. Will you have me?"

A long night of negotiations ensue. But by the end of the night, a marriage is agreed upon. In two years' time, Eudes will be married to the fair Cunegundis Karling, a maid of fourteen years. And more importantly to be gained from this marriage is a friendship--their two houses will be joined not only in blood, but in military matters. An alliance is formed between the Capets and this small Karling branch family. And perhaps with luck, this marriage will be useful on the stage of Europe as a whole, for the sons of Charlemagne are the kings of France, Germany, Italy, and everything in between.



The hour of reckoning draws near. Eudes' alliance now encompasses over three thousand men, compared to Hugo's mere two. Moreover, word of Eudes' dealings will surely reach Duke Welf soon, if they have not already. Send riders to Bourbon and Rethel; we ride to war!



Messengers arrive with good news. Eudes the elder and Count Pepin are marshalling the men! The armies will meet at Paris, away from the reaches of Welf armies, then use their numerical superiority to defeat Hugo's grand army.



Count Eudes' army arrives at Castle Chartres, a rider having informed them that the Welf army is laying siege to Chartres. Truly enough, a great army is encamped outside the walls! A shallow moat and palisade have held the Duke's army for now, but there is no telling how long they will hold.

Atop the hill, Count Eudes marshals his men. "Men of Chartres! Of Bourbon, of Bourges, of Blois and Vermandois! This day we fight--for the good of all France! We will defeat the Duke and bring a new era of prosperity in Anjou! Charge!"



Eudes' army takes a quick lead. A spirited attack from the center flank routs the center of Hugo's army. However, things look grim on the other flanks. Eudes' right flank will give out soon, and aid from the center is the only thing protecting the left flank.



In spite of Eudes' right flank routing, the Welf lines are broken! Duke Hugo's men turn and flee from the armies of the Capets and Karlings.



The Welf army is nearly halved in size, while the Capets lost only six hundred men. A great victory!

Eudes, ever eager for another battle, pursues Duke Welf's army to Paris. Eudes' forces catch up to Hugo's men, who order a hasty retreat before they are totally routed.

Eudes leads the charge. Clinging to his courser, his lance strikes down foe after foe. But across the field, he sees a man in a crowned helmet, his shield painted with heraldry; one half red, with two golden lions; the other yellow, speckled with red hearts and adorned with an imposing blue lion.

None other than Duke Hugo Welf himself.

"HUGO WELF!" shouts Count Eudes, wroth. "FACE ME, COWARD!" He draws his sword, a long blade of the Carolingian fashion, once belonging to Robert the Strong himself. "So be it, knave!" sneers Welf. "If you wish to die, that's one less thorn in my side!"

Eudes and Hugo ride at one another, and Hugo's blade meets Eudes' shield in a clash of steel and wood. Blue and yellow splinters fly, and Eudes delivers a counterstrike with Robert's old sword. Hugo deftfully dodges the blow, but in doing so, allows Eudes to drive his sword through Hugo's horse's neck. It gives out a futile neigh, muddled and raspy, and careens chaotically to the ground, trapping Hugo beneath it.

Eudes dismounts his courser. Before Hugo has a chance to react, he kicks Hugo's sword from his hand and pins his shield arm to the ground. Defeated and broken, Welf's snide air is gone. "I yield! I yield! God have mercy, I yield!"





On June 15th, 867, the War for Anjou ended, half a year in length. Eudes Capet, at the age of fifteen, was crowned Eudes, Duke of Anjou. Called the Usurper--in hatred by some, in admiration by others--he defeated his traitorous uncle and brought peace to Anjou.

[Loud Whispers]

ptw for Capetian shenanigens

welfs go home