The Tale Of Dattan órdur Part 1 - ContinuedHe set off for the exit with his copper dagger floating in dwarven rum in his backpack. He waved the broker goodbye as he stared wide eyed at the bloated backpack. The broker had suddenly came to the realization that Dattan had sold him the wine and instruments from the tavern. The broker was shaking his fist last Dattan saw of him as he rounded the corner and made his way onto the prairie. There was no going back now.
The prairie was nearly treeless but some birds were chirping in the sparse trees and some from the tall grass. Dattan headed west to the nearest hillock. He traveled a half hour and finally came to a dirt path that marked the edge of the town. He sat down on the dirt path and ate the last of his cave lobster with some water. Stray dogs and peacocks rooted around in the fields surrounding "Phrasecrypt".
Getting up from his meal he headed further west until he saw what he believed to be the civic mound of the hillock. Dattan was sure the mayor should be inside. He opened the door to find a muscular mayor and company inside. Dattan greeted the mayor "Hello, I am Dattan 'Drunkenfist', who would you be?" Dattan said putting a hand on his chin to emphasize his curiosity. "Ah, hello I'm Doren 'Whippedteaches', what brings you to my doorstep?" asked Doren the most physically fit mayor. "I have come to offer my services as an entertainer, would you allow me to demonstrate my skills?" asked Dattan as he bowed a little and extended his arm and made a circular motion with his hand. "Let's see what skill you possess then" stated Doren. "Very well, today I will be performing 'The Petal Of Larks', sing as you will" said Dattan while he swayed to the right and extended his arm in a flourish.
The dance began as Dattan extended his arm above his head and began to walk with subtle footwork. The dwarves lined up and sang the nonsensical words and tones, he hoped they wouldn't ruin his performance. He continued to extend his arm and spun, ending the spin in several backflips. From the last flip he spun while crouching and swaying in what would be a circular motion from a birds eye view. This series of motions was masterful and sure to impress. He began to kick from the crouching, swaying and spinning motion, it nearly looked impossible to do. The dwarves were singing well and everything was going great. With some more spins and fancy footwork Dattan was putting on a very good show. It was impossible for the mayor to not be impressed. He concluded the performance.
Everyone in the mound clapped at the conclusion of the performance. Smiles could be seen on every dirty face. The mayor stepped forward "I have not seen such a performance before, you are now an entertainer of 'The Channels Of Mortification'." said Doren, his eyes twinkling. "Thank you most kind mayor, I will make you proud." beamed Dattan, his dreams were finally coming true.
"Here, we'll give you some bags of food for your hard work here today." said one incredibly muscular and smiling mayor. He was handed two pig tail bags, he suddenly remembered the rum in his backpack. He emptied one bag and gave the plump helmets to the mayor. "You keep those, I need room for my rum. He opened his backpack and emptied it into the empty pig tail bag, grabbed his copper dagger and closed the pig tail bag tight. He placed the two bags back in his backpack.
"Now for a celebration at the drinking mound" Dattan said, not even waiting for any response from anyone. He exited out of the door to the east and headed a bit north and a bit to the west.
The drinking mound could be heard a mile away as the drunks would try to talk over each other and get in fights. "Ha' 'nyone seen m' shoes?" slurred a broad drunk. "Y' left 'em 'n the stairs y' silly elf" replied a muscular drunk. Those were the drunks, entire letters missing from their vocabulary permanently from too much drink. "Hello friends, how many of you would like to join me in celebrating becoming an entertainer?" Dattan asked with a smile. "Y' need t' sho' y'ur skills t' us." said a broad drunk. Dattan sighed a little, he was getting tired but said "Sure."
He demonstrated his flipping abilities, he spun, kicked, straight walked and flourished. The dwarves began to whisper among themselves, after several minutes they came to an agreement. "We wou'd like t' join y', we gots n'thing better t' do" they said as one. Dattan was a little shocked they all just agreed to travel with him after seeing his moves.
They all got more acquainted over some dwarven rum. There was Edzul, Libash, Rigoth, Kivish, Endok, Morul, Kadol, Ablel, Bembul, Dishmab, Aban, Nish, Doren, Dastot, Urdim and Erith. They all drank together and shared stories, considering the fact they were dwarves it wasn't at all strange most of the stories took place while they were drunk. Edzul had once eaten a cat, mistaking it for a prepared meal after one incredibly long drinking session. He coughed up fur balls for weeks. Kadol had the opposite story, he once ate a prepared meal mistaking it for a cat.
They eventually got up and left the drinking mound, drunken beyond a human could believe or for that matter survive. They were ready to take on the world.
Dattan visited the mayor one last time in his drunken state. The dwarven drunks crashed through the door and the mayor looked more than a little surprised at the party he had assembled. "We come to say goodbye, I'm taking these lovely tavern patrons into battle." said Dattan, expertly not slurring his words much. "Well if that's the case take this, I've been waiting for some kind of champion to rid us of the beasts and bandits." Said the mayor Doren as he produced a notebook and map. he continued with saying "It's the lists and locations of everything that has ever troubled our civilization." Surely Dattan could find something to slay in this book. They said their goodbyes, which for the drunks was unintelligible slurring.
Dattan looked over the map with slightly blurry vision. The nearest trouble was a camp called "Brasshops". "Right. follow me!" Dattan yelled and they made their way a bit west to a bridge over the river. The stray animals were soon left behind. They made their way onto the prairie, leaving behind the dirt path. From there they headed north-west through the sparse trees and among the chirping birds and scurrying squirrels. They passed a brook which flowed to the north. Further west they came to a river and set up camp for the night.
The crickets were chirping by the time they got the fire started. A cool breeze blew from the east. They sat and ate plump helmets and drank some more dwarven rum. The sun set shortly after. Without much to say they went to sleep around the fire. They woke up and had breakfast and were on their way by sunrise. They crossed the river and made their way just south of the camp.
Dattan gave the signal to hold position. He spotted a form in the distance. It was a swordsman, he had already seen the group of dwarves. They were clearly not expecting an attack. Dattan decided to goad them into attacking. He picked up several rocks. He threw the first one and it landed short of the swordsman. He charged towards them but just before he hit the drunk closest he ran away past them into the woods. Dattan scratched his head a little but reasoned he would be able to ping the next one with a rock. He crept ahead and threw several rocks at the swordsman that was closer to the camp. All of them fell short.
He became frustrated with this tactic and charged the swordsman instead. "Oh greetings my name is San 'Clutchsizzles'." The swordsman said as Dattan tried to punch him in the head. The fist was blocked with a shield, Dattan held his hand and groaned. The second punch missed the swordsman, San clearly didn't want to fight a big group of dwarves and immediately yielded. "We're here to kill some bandits, you can't surrender!" said Dattan and tried to punch him again. Several dwarves missed the swordsman in rapid succession. Rigoth eventually landed a punch to the stomach and the swordsman puked. Then Nish took his steel pick and struck the swordsman in the head, cutting it clear off. The battle had begun.
None of the bandits wanted to attack them, not wanting to fight a group of dwarves that large. The human pikeman just beyond the tree to the north ran for his life. The dwarves gave chase and caught only a minute later. They beat him until he yielded. Dattan walked up and said "Didn't you hear? No surrender!" and broke his ribs. A second hit knocked the tall human pikeman unconscious and the dwarves crushed his skull under their blows.
They went back to the camp and split the usable equipment they found. Kivish got a two handed copper sword, Dastot got a bronze short sword and Dishmab got a silver short sword and copper shield. As they were making their exit to the west they saw the bandit leader. Dattan ran up and punched him in the arm in the hope he would drop his weapon. He did not. Dattan missed the next punch but the leader had yielded, why were bandits such cowards? He hit him again anyway, merely bruising his leg. The leader ran and only the fastest of the dwarves kept at him. Dattan began to pant from all the running and slowed down to a walk. He heard a scream in the distance but by the time he got there the leader was dead. He picked up the copper scimitar and handed it to Erith. The job was done.
Dattan congratulated the dwarves. They had come out of the fight without a scratch. "Rum for everyone!" he exclaimed and they returned to the camp for a party. They passed around dwarven rum, sang and danced. They performed a celebration dance called "The Sensual Periwinkle" exceptionally. The god of revelry would be pleased.
They found the swordsman that had fled earlier and hit him a couple times before he yielded. Dattan wanted to let this one go but the dwarves had other plans. Aban punched the swordsman in the lower leg and the force of the hit tore some muscles in the swordsman's knee. Falling to the ground the dwarves proceeded to hit him dozens of times, Nish removed his hand and lower arm with his steel pick. Dastot finally knocked him out and cut off his head. Dattan walked up and took his sword and shield and gave them to Libash.
Dattan consulted his map on where to go next. There was another bandit camp called "chainedattic" not too far to the west. They set off towards it in a zig zag pattern due to the large amount of rum they had ingested. a quarter of day later they were almost at the camp, they stopped for one last meal before the fight.
Feasting on plump helmets they talked about the events of the day. "y' never kno', w' could b'come legend'ry fight'rs or somethin'." said Nish, he had removed more limbs than anyone with his pick. "I though' w' would b' performin' 'r somethin'. What's this th'n?" said Aban as she took a swig of rum. "We need to be prepared for any fight, the roads are dangerous. Consider it training." Dattan said in between chewing plump helmets. They finished their meal not long after and moved towards the bandit camp.
They arrived at the edge of the camp and looked around. There was a lasher asleep near a pile of loot. A perfect opportunity Dattan thought. They snuck up and pilfered any weapons they could find which included a bronze maul and an iron battle axe. He handed the maul to Morel and the battle axe to Doren.
A human hammerman came into view. They charged towards him and Dattan kicked him in the leg. Falling to the ground the hammerman tried to scramble away. The dwarves beat on the hammerman severing several body parts until Doren cut off the hammerman's head with battle axe. He took the iron warhammer from the corpse and gave it to Rigoth.
They saw the leader of the bandit's to the north with his silver pike. Rushing forward Dattan tried to punch him in the head but missed. "I yield, I yield!" said the leader, obviously scared of a large group of armed dwarves. Dattan threw another punch but missed him again. The dwarves charged forward and gave chase to the now fleeing bandit leader. Nish eventually caught up with him and used his steel pick to puncture the leader's guts. Morul bashed the leader in the lower body but just bruised it. Dastot slashed the leader in the lower leg but the attack was deflected. Nish then tore some muscle from the leader's lower body. Morul bashed the leader's arm and it collapsed. The leader was not doing a good job of striking back as he was still trying to flee. Morul knocked the leader to the ground. Shortly after he crushed the leader's head, blood and brains going everywhere.
They returned to the camp and finished off the sleeping human bandits. He handed the silver whip to Edzul and the iron pike to Aban from the bloody corpses. They were ready for their next challenge. Dattan looked on the map and found a cave just north of them. What wonders would it hold? He tried to find a reference to the cave in his lists in the notebook, The list of beasts turned nothing up from his quick inspection. He supposed it would be no harm to explore a cave.
They went north through an area called The Worthy Steppes. Coming to a river they crossed it and found the cave not far north. There was no clear entrance though so they plotted a new destination. There was a lair a little further north, looking intently at the list of beasts Dattan discovered a roc lived there. "Looks like we're going to slay a great beast, dwarves." Dattan said with a hint of glee. There would be a grand celebration after this one, for those of them still alive.
They headed away from the cave and to the north, made their way through the mountains. The passed many falcons and piles of rocks. Night fell as they entered The Glowing Hill. They set up camp at the edge of the mountain and shortly after fell asleep. The night was going well until a pack of dingos set upon them. They were quickly dispatched with very few injuries to the dwarves. They went back to sleep and awoke the next morning. Dattan drank some rum and ate some plump helmets. The rest of the dwarves partook in the rum and plump helmets. There was nothing better than strong dwarven drink and some mushrooms. They set off to the north and found the lair a couple hours later across a river.
They approached from the south. Dattan began to sneak his way north towards the lair. Seeing only bodies at first he moved closer. The roc looked out over it's domain, penched upright on a fallen log. Dattan was stealthy but the other dwarves were loud and disorderly. The roc immediately flew up and closed the distance. Dastot was the first to feel the immense bird's fury. His arm flew across the landscape and landed 20 feet away. The dwarf screamed in pain. Dattan struck out at the roc but missed as the bird dodged. Kadol was next and had his left ear torn off. The roc finally took a strong hit from Dastot swinging with his remaining arm and sword, the roc fell over. Dattan attacked with a bite and latched on to the roc's right leg. The roc shook him off and Dastot stabbed the roc in the wing. The roc was grounded now, there was no way to escape this many angry dwarves on foot. The roc attacked Dattan but he dodged two times as the dwarves were bashing and slicing the roc. Dattan punched the roc in the foot but to little effect, the roc missed him again. The roc moved away and bit Dastot on the head. The roc shook him around and his skull collapsed. Dastot was flung aside and the dwarves tried harder to end the fight. One lucky bite from Bembul knocked the roc unconscious. The dwarves beat and slashed the roc for some time after that. Libash finally cut off the creature's head.
Dastot was still alive but in a great deal of pain. His arm was cut off, his skull was caved in on one side and he was looking pale. The bleeding had stopped however and he was sitting there. Dattan handed him some rum, it was all he could offer him. "m' arm, 't got m' arm!" shouted Dastot, the reality of the situation finally sinking in. He drank some rum and settled down. " 'twas a battle f'r the ages though." Dastot finally said and teared up a little as he looked at his arm laying across the field. "Dastot be brave, you fought well" Dattan said to the one armed dwarf. Taking another swig of rum he said "L-let's keep goin' I'm n't re'dy t' give 'p jus' yet." They sat for a while and drank some rum, there was no celebration just quiet drinking. Dattan consulted the map for the next destination and decided to double back across the mountains and strike the necromancer tower.
They quietly got up and followed Dattan far away from Dastot's severed arm. They went south directly through the mountains, Dattan worked on his sneaking footwork all the way. He wanted to be as silent as possible for future encounters with enemies. They snuck past peregrines and were in the mountains for a fairly long time. Passing a river they came to even more mountains, it seemed endless. They stopped for a meal when several of the dwarves complained of hunger. Plump helmets were served with more dwarven rum, a reoccurring theme on this trip. They made their way further south shortly after. They passed two rivers before coming to the dark tower. They stopped just north of it.
It was nearly nightfall. The dwarves were not interesting in fighting the undead in the dark so they made camp. Hopefully none of the undead would come to fight them in the middle of the night. They slept well and the next morning they ate a breakfast fit for a dwarf. They ate the plump helmets with some blueberries for a change. The dwarven rum was as strong as ever.
They readied themselves and charged the tower. They charged to the west side but found no door. Suddenly fighting erupted to the east as Doren and Kivish charged some walking corpses. The corpses struck back but one of them broke a silver boning knife on Kivish's leg. The rest of the dwarves soon caught up with Doren and Kivish and the melee was in full swing. Aban took his iron pike and struck off the head of one of the corpses. Dattan finally came within range of an elf corpse. The punch he delivered to the head of the corpse knocked the corpse back a little and bent the neck but to little effect, these corpses were tough. Suddenly a muscular dwarf corpse slashed Endok in the lower leg and fractured it. The dwarves continued to pile in all the same but Endok was left on the ground clutching his leg. Edzul had the courage to even bite one of the corpses in the arm but to little effect, must have tasted gross. Dastot came and slashed off one of the corpse's legs, it fell to the ground.
The fighting didn't die down for a long time, body parts flew everywhere. Several of the dwarves sustained minor injuries, some of their clothing was torn apart. Endok, Doren and Edzul entered martial trances simultaneously. The real fighting began there. Endok managed to punch off a corpse's foot. The fighting simply intensified as time went on. One of the dwarves was finally felled as a corpse lodged an iron knife in Rigoth's skull. Aban fled towards the north, this was madness. What had Dattan led them into? There were too many enemies here. He stuck it out, fighting with all his strength. Several of the corpses were struck down but there were many more. Dattan had fought his way into the middle of a group of corpses. He was struck in the hand and he heard a crack and felt some pain in his left hand. The madness of the situation got to him and he desperately fought to kill them all. He knocked out a corpses teeth for whatever good that would do. Wild punches left and right kept them off of him for a while. He had fought his way to the other side of the undead simply by dodging attacks.
Doren sliced off another head with his axe. Endok entered another martial trance. Kadol became unconscious from pain. Ablel's leg was cut off. The chaos of battle unfolded in spectacular fashion. Dattan was not doing much damage to his enemies but at least he was distracting some of the zombies. A human necromancer appeared at the door. Edzul lost a leg. This battle was not going well for the dwarves. Edzul was decapitated and it didn't seem they were going to even barely win this fight anymore. Dattan panicked and retreated, he looked back just in time to see Morul's corpse begin to move on it's own. Libash got caught up in the wave of zombies. They were overrun and Dattan knew they probably wouldn't make it.
Dattan waited beyond the edge of the necromancer tower for any survivors. Suddenly Nish stumbled into view a bit battered. Dattan waved him down. Nish was panting and sat down for a while. "I will neve' d' tha' again." Nish said with a clear look of horror on his face. Dattan felt so guilty at what he had led his companions into, his over-confidence at defeating the roc had been his downfall. Nish was clearly a cut above the rest though if he survived. They quietly got up and moved in a sort of "r" shaped pattern around the tower and to the south.
They traveled an hour or two south when they spotted a human lasher running away from something. Suddenly a large alligator burst from the bushes. Nish felt more inclined to chase the lasher and left the alligator to Dattan. Dattan landed several punches that merely bruised the creature. He was able to dodge all of it's attacks but was not doing much damage. He landed a punch to the creature's lower body that left it retching. He beat on the giant alligator and dodged it's attacks until he eventually knocked it out. With the creature's tough hide it was hard to break any bones. He beat on the creature's head for what seemed like hours. It woke up and began attacking him again. Dattan sighed as he dodged each attack. The alligator passed out from over-exertion. Nish finally came back from chasing the lasher and struck down the alligator in one blow to the head with his steel pick.
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Topic: The Tales Of Dattan órdur, King Of The Dancing Drunks (Read 1485 times)