15th of Granite, 550I, Athri Nithrosuse, Trollkiller, have been sent on a mission by the glorious Lady Esu Pirniotir, of the town of Twinkleglistened, to slay the tyrants lording over the fair inhabitants of Deepscuffle.
After recruiting two strong warriors to help me in the endeavor, we set off on our journey.
When the sun had reached it's zenith my two companions, Stipoth the pikeman and Mesm, (also a pikeman) and I reached the hamlet of Gulfblush.
Once we entered the settlement we split up, Stipoth meandering around doing absolutely jackshit, Mesm wandering away to do "something," (he wouldn't tell us what,) while I went off to refill my now empty waterskin.
While I was yanking up the freshly-filled bucket, now full of the well's glistening prize, I was a approached by a maceman who called himself Roldeth.
After a quick chat over some banded knifefish, Roldeth revealed to me that he was a lieutenant of a figure who he referred to as "the Boss."
Finding this just a little bit
peculiar, I hurriedly stuffed the rest of my food into the pack while saying, "the boss?"
He leaned in close, and whispered, "Gadoc Whipgrips."
After I, (briefly) combed my memory for anything on the name, I realized I had absolutely
no fucking clue who that was.
The next words out of my mouth were "and who the chicken-shit is that?"
Sadly, he never answered.
Right as his lips parted to speak, to disclose this, this
revelation to me, the air behind him hissed.
The silver-tip of Stipoth's pike dove straight for the small of Roldeth's back, intent on burrowing itself past the maceman's spine.
But somehow, the maceman threw himself to the side at the last possible second, narrowly dodging the thrust!
As Roldeth drew his copper-headed cudgel, the pike's needle-like head skipped off the side of the well, sending a shower of sparks into the water-hiding abyss.
A vicious fight ensued between the two and, right as Gadoc was about to score a hit to my companion's unhelpful-ass dome, I intervened.
Just like Anakin in that one scene in Revenge of the Sith, my blade flashed through the air, connecting with his wrist.
In unison, Roldeth's exiled appendage and copper bitch-be-good stick soared through the air, slamming themselves against one of the villager's humble shacks.
But, to my dismay, there was no Darth Sidious and no chancellor's office to hurl the lieutenant out of, so I decided just to lop off his head instead.
After a, none too calm, talk with Stipoth on why the
fuck he thought that was a good idea, we dragged the body into the woods, a couple of feet from one of the peasant's houses, and lit a fire, then chucked Roldeth's lifeless carcass into the all too welcoming scarlet tongues.
We quickly sprinted around the village until we found Mesm... *Cough*
taking a pike from one of the more desperate villagers, threw a pair of pants on him and got the HELL out of there. (The reason I was rushing around was because whenever I tried to travel away, I kept getting the 'You feel uneasy" warning, so I thought someone else from his gang was still there, and since I didn't even have that much armor yet, I was in full "fuck that" mode.)
After a few hours of haphazardly running in what I was
hoping was east, we hit the creek.
It was a hulk of a river, dozens of cubits wide, with water dyed the stunning color of pitch fucking black as it reflected the starless night sky.
With not a single thought to my own safety, I dove head-first into the ebony abyss, and began clawing my way to the other side.
Despite the, particularly frigid, temperature of that night, the water held a constant warmth that was absurdly comfortable, and I could feel both the troll Ada Clearingfight's, some troll I'd killed earlier's, and Roldeth's respective bloods weeping off my clothes.
Hey, I thought optimistically,
maybe this isn't half ba-My thoughts were interrupted by- HOLY SHIT THERE'S LIKE FIFTY ALLIGATORS IN THIS RIVER!
WHAT THE FUCK WHERE WERE THEY? SWIM ATHRI
SWIMMMMM!
Alright, that's all for now guys, will post more.
Also, I'm retarded, can anybody explain images to me?
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Topic: I'm dramatizing my adventurer's life (Read 1057 times)