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[x2yzh9]

Well, I don't know where to start. I have aspergers, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, and a number of other things that I take medication for. But, every single time I've tried to have a relationship in the past, I end up blowing up their phone. I don't know why, but I always do and can't stop the habit.(When I say blow up their phone I mean texting nonstop)

Personally, I think deep down it's a feeling of inconsistency within myself. If I'm not doing it right, then it's hopeless in my subconcious mindset. I persist however, and it's hard because all the years of my life I have felt lonely. I think that happened after my father died. He was my support figure, and he was always there for me. Until the day that he passed and I gave him one last hug, "I love you dad" and that was it. He was gone.

I don't know how, or why this affects my relationships with women. And it frustrates me, so much, that sometimes I feel like I'm worthless. That I can't be good to anyone in a relationship because I don't have a car, a job, no school, and I struggle to afford paying bills all day long. And the fact that I text them too much. This is my little confession booth because I trust all the bay12ers here to give me advice, because at the end of the day I know internally that I'm a kind, loving person. But not everyone out there has the same heart that I do. The same..I don't know. I'm an individual.

So I'm coming here for advice, and pretty humbly so. If you need me to elaborate, go ahead. It's just hard. Really, really hard.

[uber pye]

so you have no confidence in yourself because of your lack of car/job/ext and therefor lack of worth? I think it kinda natural to cling to someone when you feel worthless, you don't want them to leave for greener metaphorical pastures.

my advice, ignore getting in to relationships for now. Get a job or get active, its crazy how doing shit(and maybe even getting payed for it) affects how you feel. start a garden, exercise, run. Get a job, preferably outdoors working with your hands.

[NRDL]

+1 to building yourself up, a relationship is not a good idea if you have trouble loving yourself unconditionally. Not only should you focus on developing and fleshing yourself out as a human being, think on the concept of you having worth regardless of circumstance.

Doesn't matter who you are, what you do, where you live, who you're around, you have value, just because you are. It's all well and good to have and be good things in this life, but being able to look at yourself at your lowest, most alone, and surrounded by nothing but bad, and still think "Hey, you still deserve to be loved as much as anyone else." is the greatest existential skill to possess.

[x2yzh9]

so you have no confidence in yourself because of your lack of car/job/ext and therefor lack of worth? I think it kinda natural to cling to someone when you feel worthless, you don't want them to leave for greener metaphorical pastures.

my advice, ignore getting in to relationships for now. Get a job or get active, its crazy how doing shit(and maybe even getting payed for it) affects how you feel. start a garden, exercise, run. Get a job, preferably outdoors working with your hands.

Yea, your right, and so is NRDL... I just need a routine in life. My mom wants me to wait to go to college but at the same time I've over here thinking 'Well, I still need a job right?' So it's very perplexing for me. I also have bipolar disorder, which makes some people get confused easily about my intentions. I mean, it just takes time I guess. I suppose I'll get a job, maybe one doing something outside, but I am very overweight still technically, and I feel/think that I'm just not gonna be up to par with any sort of physical labor because everyone else that's gonna be applying is most likely not going to weigh 310 pounds and be physically incapable of doing some things.

[fucduck]

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[x2yzh9]

Thank you for the advice fucduck. I am just moving on from a long past relationship that really hit me hard for about 2 years now, even if only subconsciously, and I got hurt in the process and the other did too, due to circumstances beyond our control. A lot of guilt and grief that I'm trying to let go of.

[kilakan]

so you have no confidence in yourself because of your lack of car/job/ext and therefor lack of worth? I think it kinda natural to cling to someone when you feel worthless, you don't want them to leave for greener metaphorical pastures.

my advice, ignore getting in to relationships for now. Get a job or get active, its crazy how doing shit(and maybe even getting payed for it) affects how you feel. start a garden, exercise, run. Get a job, preferably outdoors working with your hands.

Yea, your right, and so is NRDL... I just need a routine in life. My mom wants me to wait to go to college but at the same time I've over here thinking 'Well, I still need a job right?' So it's very perplexing for me. I also have bipolar disorder, which makes some people get confused easily about my intentions. I mean, it just takes time I guess. I suppose I'll get a job, maybe one doing something outside, but I am very overweight still technically, and I feel/think that I'm just not gonna be up to par with any sort of physical labor because everyone else that's gonna be applying is most likely not going to weigh 310 pounds and be physically incapable of doing some things.

Man, don't let yourself get down about your weight emhk?  I was 330pds and I got a job working landscaping and then next year moved to painting boats at a locale marina.  Yeah it was HARD fucking work, but also the most rewarding thing I've done so far in life.  You'll start overweight and have a really hard time doing stuff but if you find a great boss they won't mind you taking water breaks/going a bit slowly and by the end of the first month you'll be amazed how much easier it gets.
I mean, sure... three years later and I still have a 40 inch waistline but I also carried my own laundry machine up three flights yesterday without braking a sweat.  Not everyone needs to be light and skinny to be able to get by on a physical job?  That, and doing the work outside in the sun will help your bipolar and self worth leagues, well it helped me anyways man!  (Different scenario but I'll tell you confidentially something happened to me a few years ago that made me not even leave my bedroom for 6 months pretty much, the outdoor job got me outta the house and actually doing shit!)

[TheBiggerFish]

I don't have much advice, dealing with a lesser but similar affliction myself, but good luck.  I'm rooting for you.