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[SnowWhite]

45 minutes ago . . . . . . . . . . . . . . UP  Underground Press
Helmringed, Thestarbim Ikud

Erith Swordlocks, a legendary bone carver, became upset after suffering the travesty of art defacement and kicked a dog.  For this he was sentenced to 26 days in prison, guarded by officer Ral Sterntin.  Today, with about 10 days left of confinement, he broke free from the humane rope reed rope. The dwarves of Helmringed have tried to make their prisons pleasant rooms of rehabilitation.  Swordlocks was housed in a room with a finely-crafted bed and a floor detailed with pleasant images.  For destroying this building, he must serve an additional 85 days (concurrent with his remaining 10).  As this goes to press, Officer Sterntin is in active pursuit.

[SnowWhite]

Helmringed, Thestarbim Ikud . . . . . . . . UP Underground Press

This paper was able to get an exclusive phone interview with Erith Swordlocks, mastermind of the shocking prison break earlier today.  He says he is ecstatic; both about his escape and about smashing up his prison rope.  He claims that he was beaten recently, but witnesses to his flight don't recall seeing any bruises.  

Acquaintances of his say that he is superdwarvenly tough, but has an artistic side.  Some years ago he created a turtle bone war hammer that is decorated with turtle bone and has spikes and more decorations of cave fish bone. He is reported to have named this artifact Waspyouths.  

The locals are very worried.  Not only is there a strong, agile prisoner on the loose, but he is disturbingly interested in bones and stinging insects.  His tendency to tantrum and enjoy throwing and destroying things is further cause for concern.

[SnowWhite]

Helmringed, Thestarbim Ikud . . . . . . . . UP Underground Press

Just moments ago Officer Ral Sterntin caught up with Erith Swordlocks at a major intersection.  Swordlocks was clearly more agile, but seemed to be confused about whether to tantrum or make bone bolts.  Sterntin was able to corner him and lead him back to prison.  This time Swordlocks is housed in a cell with a cave spider silk rope.  His new cell has pictures of goblins and dwarves fighting, a dwarf withering away, and a wolf.

This reporter hopes this restraint is strong enough to hold such a fearsome criminal, and that the grim pictures remind him of the consequences of crime.

[ October 09, 2007: Message edited by: SnowWhite ]

[Mzbundifund]

Hah!  Excellent!

[Balathustrius]

Very cool.

[MoonCabbage]

this made me smile today

[Greiger]

I like it.

[Retales]

Good job  

[Narushima]

Very nice, indeed.

[SnowWhite]

Helmringed, Thestarbim Ikud . . . . . . . . UP Underground Press

Erith Swordlocks, strong and superdwarvenly tough prisoner, escaped again, but was quickly apprehended on his way to a bar by officer Ral Sterntin and returned to prison.  His sentence was increased by 45 days.

There is no official comment from prison officials, but an insider who wishes to remain anonymous says that rope restraints may be replaced by cages.  This reporter is saddened that one prisoner is changing the focus from humane correction to security at any cost.

[SnowWhite]

Helmringed, Thestarbim Ikud . . . . . . . . UP Underground Press

With 53 days left to serve, prison official report that Erith Swordlocks is happy.  He is being held in an inner cell, far from major hallways, and the isolation seems to suit him.

[SnowWhite]

Helmringed, Thestarbim Ikud . . . . . . . . UP Underground Press

Goblins besieged the fortress.  Amid the usual mayhem, someone fired a masterwork bone bolt at a goblin and celebrity prisoner Erith Swordlocks started tantrumming with only three days left of his sentence.  His guard, Ral Sterntin, was busy on the day his sentence ended so Swordlocks spent an extra week and a half in jail.  During that interval, the "Pets for Prisoners" initiative suffered a grave setback when Sworlocks severely beat a cat.  

Even after Sterntin returned from his urgent duties (sleeping, drinking, and eating) to free him, Swordlocks is still very unhappy.  

During his tantrums, Swordlocks has been yelling about suffering from art defacement because someone used one of his utilitarian bone bolts to kill a goblin.  Because of this he has been forever banned from bone carving and encouraged to take up his original trade of fishing.