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[Infinityforce]

If she's being a hissy and throwing a fit, a slap is a somewhat reasonable way to bring someone back down to earth, make them humble, and get them to STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD AND GROW UP (most people were slapped when they were being naughty as children: it's subconscious)

"Come on now. I don't want to do this. You think I want this? I just want you to work WITH me not AGAINST me. This doesn't make me happy"

BUT YOU WILL HURT HER FEELINGS.
Whether she will get over it or resent it is another thing.
If she accepts her wrong doing, she will forgive the insult.
She may feel wounded/betrayed because you're her child however.
Still, tell her you love her and don't want to see her suffer like this.
Tell her what YOU think is RIGHT.

[TheBiggerFish]

Have you tried literally slapping her in the face? I don't mean hard, but like a wake-up scare slap, the way you would slap someone who passed out back into consciousness? If you've never done that before in your life, it might shock her into realizing she's being stupid.

Honestly, this is not a completely terrible idea.

Just keep what 74s said in mind.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with you people?

nenjin, consider the ethical and legal implications of listening to this site's bad advice.

[Infinityforce]

It takes a great deal of respect and trust to slap someone. In a way, you wouldn't let anyone slap you, except for very close family for example.
And if you were being a dick (like, REALLY a dick) you might appreciate if someone brings you down to earth and back to reality.

I SERIOUSLY DO NOT ADVISE SLAPPING WITHOUT SOME FORM OF DISCOURSE, DISCUSSION ETC.

Please, please, TRY to talk to her.
Tell her the TRUTH, tell her what you FEEL. Try to be impartial, don't just complain or point out negatives/faults
Tell her what you WANT and what you EXPECT. Be positive and focus on all the good in your life.
Let her know the situation with regards to others: family, friends, counsellors, doctors. It doesn't have to be like this. She probably hates social care/counsellors getting involved in her personal business. She likely wants privacy and understanding with her trusted and beloved ones.
And most of all: PROVIDE AN ALTERNATIVE. Give her OPTIONS.
Hot food cheers the soul. Eating mitigates drunkness. It is difficult to be drunk AND sated.
Rib-sticking food, oily, fatty, sugar or salty food changes brain functions and makes us more agreeable.
Don't over do it! Food alone can't fix anything, but love and trust can do much. Be sensible and make the right choices.
This is part of psychology.
It is also known as "comfort food" which might be something she ate as a child, something she made for you as a mother, or some other obscure meal
She probably made 100s of meals for you.
Bear in mind: COOKING is a FAMILY activity and has been for much of history.
Close bonds, skills, learning, expertise and inheritance are mixed in cooking.
We learn it from the people who cook for us (our parents). There's a reason family recipes are honoured and passed down. It leads to traditions
It is a family act to come together at one table and eat the same food, made by your own hands with love and care, for those you love and care for.
As it was for Jesus to dine with his disciples, break bread and drink wine together.

[TheBiggerFish]

What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with you people?

nenjin, consider the ethical and legal implications of listening to this site's bad advice.

*sigh*

It's an option of last resort.

He is at that point.

Yes, consider the implications.

But it is still an option.

[martinuzz]

Basically, as a doctor once explained to me, when an alcoholic is relapsing and lying, they can be considered as being on the same level of consciousness as someone wo has passed out. Their only available consciousness at that moment is the addicted consciousness. Since it's well accepted (and even advisable) to slap an unconscious person back into consciousness (for instance to prevent someone from sinking into a coma), it is acceptable here too.

Next to that, to use the psychological term, it has a chance of inducing an "Aha erlebnis". (EDIT: english term: eureka effect)

Also, like 74s said, it's a very subconsicous thing. The Swedish model, where it's absolutely not done to ever hit a child no matter how softly isn't as old as most parents.

NOTE: leave slapping unconscious people whom you suspect to have neck or head injury to the professionals.

EDIT2: Also note, that this is a very one-time hit or miss thing. If it works, great!. If it doesn't, you cannot ever try it again. If a eureka effect occurs, it does so because of the complete surprise at being slapped by a loved one who has never done so before. Any repeated tries would be moot, and could be classified as abuse.

[x2yzh9]

Honestly, my input here is that all I have to say is that due to a slap early in my life, I literally tried to commit suicide. IT was only one, but that should be enough to tell you guys.

[Infinityforce]

I feel compelled to mention that I once slapped someone who was in engage in self-destructive behaviour and they stopped immediately.
They literally stopped, and looked at me as if they'd never seen me before, and they began to calm down.
I think I snapped them out of an unconscious state.
That said, I have been slapped many times in my life, and didn't enjoy it very much it's a miserable feeling to be humiliated.

No-one condones slaps or physical violence. Please be aware of your local and national laws regarding such matters. Respect your mother and father.

[nenjin]

Wow. That escalated quickly.

Let's all just take a step back.

My family is a family of slappers. Got paddled probably 10 times as kid, and my mother once turned a slap for my language into an open hand chop to the throat because her aim is shit. Some may remember me posting about having a scuffle with my father not 10 years ago. So, uh, we're no strangers to physical violence with each other. As fucked up as that sounds.

To me the last few posts just sort of read like a replay of my internal logic. I'd love to slap the shit out of this women. Slap her good and fucking hard for all of this.

But I know that doesn't help. As I've said, her depression and alcoholism closely mirrors in some ways what I went through for 3 years after graduating college. I'm sure I deserved more than one slap from her during that period. She was worried sick about me but knew I had to get through it on my own. And I eventually did. Hell, maybe my fight with my dad was, in the end, a slap from him.

The difference here is I wasn't literally killing myself, living in squalor and letting the last years of my existence slip away from me. (Although I arguably pissed away some of the best potential years of my life.)

So no, a slap won't help but believe me when I say I understand the desire.

An update of sorts.

After her therapist calls me this morning, my mother calls me a couple hours later and asks if I still want to do something. I say I really don't. Then she says she has only one thing to say, and that is she wasn't drinking. She said she understands why I believed it and even thinks she deserves some of it, but that I hurt her feelings.

And I, for the first time in my life, just had to go "Mom, I don't believe you." I remember hearing both my parents say this shit to me as a kid, in the exact same voice for the exact same reasons. I've watched her drink for too long and seen too many signs for me to believe that. I'd like to believe it, I really would, but all the signs are there. The drink with the lime juice and the sugar and vodka. (I didn't drink it this time, I didn't need to.) Sleeping at 5:30pm when she knew I was coming over (because she got drunk enough she wanted to go pass out.) The stumbling. The inability to stand up straight without support. The house already getting filthy again. Maybe she really DID just make a glass of lime juice and sugar without the alcohol but fuck.....I find that damn near impossible to believe. If it's true it means she's doing it for sensation and sense recognition of drinking if nothing else....and that ain't good either! I suppose it's better than actually drinking but.....

Sooooooo I dunno. This is a new phase, possible of lying to the bitter end, possibly of some weird transformative behavior. Who knows. I feel like I tend to need a day after her relapses before I feel leveled headed enough to marshal my defenses and go at it another time. I'm gonna call her counselor and let her know what's going on now.

As always, thanks for reading.

[Infinityforce]

I'm sorry if things don't go well. Good luck anyway.
Often, we just need someone to believe in, and support us, and an alternative to take our minds of the evils of addiction.
If she really loves you, she will pull through and try to make you proud/impress you instead of not giving a fuck/giving up

[TheBiggerFish]

*hugs*

I can only wish you luck.

[martinuzz]

Yeah, luck and strenght.