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[filiusenox]

    'Slowly, ever so slowly, the lock pick inched its way deeper into the lock’s inner most reaches. It was looking for that sweat spot'

Sweet?

Sorry for finding fault with your great writing.

[Railick Stonemane]

Made that correction as well. Don't feel sorry for finding fault in my spelling/grammar ect. The writing isn't that good any ways and all you're doing is helping me out. I'm the one that is sorry that my editing skills aren't nearly as good as my imagination and for thrusting this crap on you guys

[filiusenox]

Same way with me, all my grammer is horrible, but i have too much imagination.

[Railick Stonemane]

     “Watch out lass they be coming around for another try!” The wind whipped through Ohwea’s beard, the long blond mane of hair wrapping round behind him like a giant banner. With his right hand he held onto the rigging of his ship the “Mad Cod” and with his left he held his cutlass. Traia, an exotic dwarf from Au’alurma who preferred to sail in the nude, spun the wheel in her hands hard to the right causing the ship to cut hard to the port.
     
     
     The elf cutter was much faster than the stolen human river boat and the captain had spent his entire life on the river. The unnatural or perhaps too natural elven ship matched their maneuver and came up alongside on their port. It sails seemed to be made of a single giant leaf that caught the wind perfectly. The hull of the vessel was a single piece of wood from fore to aft as if the tree it was made of grew in that shape naturally. The bridge of the vessel was surrounded by protective bark that protected the captain and his crew from incoming arrows and it wasn’t totally clear how he was commanding the ship as there was no wheel involved. Instead of a crow’s nest on the main mast there was an extremely nimble elf perched there who called out the other ships movements to the captain below.


     There was nothing the dwarves could do to avoid the advances of such a well crafted vessel and for a second the two ships made contact and ten well armed elves jumped over like springing gazelle. Both dwarves saw them and it was Traia was quick to act. The dwarf maiden held the wheel one hand and kicked the anchor over the port edge with her other. Just as the elves found their feet on the deck the ship suddenly dug into the waves, causing them to lose their balance with many on the verge of falling back into the water.
     

     “Dang blasted elves git the hell of me boat!” Ohwea swung down on a line from the rigging and raised his feet up against his chest turning him into a tiny dwarven cannon ball. He actually managed to hit several of the elves directly with his body, sending them flying over the edge of the boat and into the calm river beyond. Many others fell off the edge when they saw him coming just to avoid him and a few leapt forward onto the deck so that he would swing above them harmlessly. Even after getting knocked off course by impacting several elves the dwarf managed to land right next to his wife on the command deck of their river sloop.

     

     “Dis might be it for us wife . . .” With this the river pirate groped his dear wife’s breasts one last time, eliciting a pleased yelp and a smile from her. The pair stood back to back as the elves surrounded them warily, those that had been knocked over board had quickly be replaced by yet more of their kin. “Twelve against two, that be horrible odds lads and not at all fair . . . ye can surrender now if you like and say yerselfs the trouble of diein!”
     

     With the heroics out of the way the two dwarves were surprised when several clever elves cut down the netted rigging above them. The heavy ropes fell upon them, the thick cords pushing them down onto the deck where they stood. As the elves closed in upon them the dwarves pushed together and kissed through the netting, both guessing that this would be their last moments in this world. The elves had other plans however and disarmed their foes so they could take them as prisoner.
     

     With the human boat recaptured from the pirates the elves no more trouble from these two. There was no need to transfer the dwarves to the elven cutter as the boat itself was part of the bounty. The two ships made their way down the river, docking at a human settlement. There they returned the ship to its rightful owner and collected a hefty bounty. The pirates were crafted away by their brothers from the nearby Fortress Understars and would spend the rest of their days in the deep mines. There they would suffer without the sounds of the river and slowly the criminals mind and body would slowly rot away.

[Railick Stonemane]

     Dwarves stepped aside to make way for a hand cart drawn by two strong young dwarven men. They wore only silk pants with strange slippers that curled up at the ends, but this was far from the strangest thing about them. They had hairless bodies save for their head, and the skin was tanned from long days out in the sun.  Their beards were greased up beyond what was acceptable here in the southern lands, with their mustaches curled up into loops on either side of their nose. Each beard had been braided hundreds of times to create a cascade of hair that fell across their powerful chests.
     

     Behind them relaxing in the hand cart was Xara Jadecastle, their collective wife. She too only wore silken pants with no shoes to speak of. The nudity was not the most shocking thing about this frost haired woman; it was that her face was smooth! Indeed her entire body was smooth and tanned like her husbands, but her face was like that of a human! She was extremely handsome and many of the younger dwarven men could not take their eyes off her as the strange procession passed them.
     

     In the upper levels of the fortress these traveling companions could find no rest, as every inn keeper turned them away for their strange customs and hurled insults at them. One dwarf even went say far as to imply to the younger men that they had been tricked by a midget human into slavery under false pretense! Only in the deep mines did these three find peace. Apparently they were not the first Au’alurmaish dwarves to be treated this way.
     

     A home for sand dwarves had been established there in the deep mines, and this is the three stopped for the night. The sign in front of the building was made of a slab of stone and depicted towers rising from desert sands, seeming to dance in the distance. This was of course a rather realistic rendition of what Au’alurma looked like as you approached it from across the desert dunes.
     

     Inside the entry way was filled with the scents of burning oils, making the three feel right at home. Still all was not well, as even those here were a bit taken a back by just how much younger Xara’s husbands where when compare to her. Indeed she was pushing three hundred years old and her two spouses were no older than fifty. Together they were not even half her age! The wise old dwarf could foresee trouble in her near future.

[Railick Stonemane]

      [I'm aware that some of these are rather short. It is intended as some of the characters have more interesting histories than the other just like in real life some of us have interesting histories and others don't. I for one have a very uninteresting history Please feel free to snipe me for mangled words/grammar/ect you won't hurt my feelings unless you're mean about it and even then I'll probably only cry a little bit]

     They watched the older dwarf from across the lounge, where the twins relaxed in the nude upon countless plush pillows. This room was thick with smoke and the scent of burning oils from the western deserts. Keldra and Indral hadn’t been in Fortress Understars long, indeed their flesh was still rather tanned from their long trip from Au’alruma. This older lady with her young husbands intrigued the sisters. They had heard the woman’s name being whispered around the building; in fact they shared her surname of Jadecastle.
     

     Though the name was common where they came from it was still unlikely to meet someone with a similar name this far from their homeland. Their watchful gaze did not go unnoticed, Xara smiled at them from across the dark room as he husbands massaged her tense muscles. The long trip had been harsh on the old dwarf, but she still had the body of a hundred year old maiden thanks to her devotion to the Goddess of Love.

[Railick Stonemane]

     Olag stood patiently outside the Baron’s door, waiting for the call to enter. Currently his liege was entertaining a guest, if you could call him that. All Olag could hear was the Baron’s exhausted voice trying patiently to calm down the frantic speech of Jiram the bookkeeper.
   

     “Demons, elves, and arrows like elephants with their fucking eyes burning in the distance! The stories are true, the magna and the flames and the moniker logos infringe on copyright laws abounds! Baron I lost my damn business cards, every last one of them! CAN YOU IMAGINE!! I paid extra to make them smell good when you sniff them, that shit ain’t cheep mister!” This had been going on for quiet some time, and to be honest the bookkeeper had actually calmed down compared to the state he was in when the guards found him. He tried to kill one of them by beating him to death with a piece of cloth, claimed he was a spy from the elven monkey kings.
   

     It was Olag’s job as the captain of Shatteredstone’s personal body guards to deal with this sort of thing, a very delicate situation indeed. A swift strike with the butt of his hammer knocked Jiram out cold and the guards who’d seem him were quickly reassigned a better post closer to home to keep their mouth’s shut. No one suspected the giant sack Olag was carrying on his back had a dwarf in it as he made his way down to the Baron’s office in the deep mines.
   

     “Look Jiram, just settle down. There are no elephants . . .” The Baron tried to say.
   

     “Fuck you elephant man! You don’t know them but they call with the trumpets of endless sand from the halls of rancid cankledom! The ridonkulous will inherit the earth and will praise to their kings on high the insect prince of rubbish! There will be seven . . NO EIGHT EIGHT wheels of cheese with various adornments upon them and none of them pay their taxes at all! CAN YOU IMAGINE!?”
   

     “Olag get the hell in here and shut him up!” The Baron’s command was not fully out as Olag opened the door smacked the insane book keeper over the head with his hammer proper. It would be days before the dwarf would regain consciousness, if ever. “Thank the Gods! What in the name of the depths is wrong with him?” Olag could tell the Baron was stroking his doll behind that luxurious desk of his; he always did in moments of stress. Olag didn’t mind, whatever it took to get him through the day.
   

     “You want me to toss him in the slag pit with the rest of the garbage M’lord?” Olag could tell by the look in the Baron’s eyes that he was seriously considering this idea. Shatteredstone shook his head no and motioned for his guard captain to toss the crazy dwarf in prison. This time he didn’t even bother with the sack and instead dragged the mostly nude and filthy bookkeeper from the room by his ankle. His face dragged against the cold stone floor leaving behind a trail of spit and blood.
   

     From the Baron’s office he made his way through the beautiful halls of history, though he had stopped looking at the engravings a long time ago. From there he made his way into the entry hall and down the front steps of the Baron’s palace. The prison was in the lowest levels of the deep mines, which were themselves below the bustling and thriving fortress above them. Olag liked it down here; it was like he could hear the rocks heart beating so close to the center of the planet.
   

     The citizens looked upon the captain of the guard with respect, but not fear. It wasn’t that they did not fear him; it is just that they feared The Hammerer more. To show Olag too much respect would draw the wrath of that dragon helmed arm of justice, and he did not hold it against them. Still they did make way for him and he never once had to slow his pace to wait for a dwarf to move. With his hammer leaning on his shoulder and the crazy Jiram dragging behind him he drew more than a few questioning looks as well.
   

     The stairs leading lower into the fortress were unforgiving to poor Jiram and by the time they finally reached the prison he had very few teeth left at all. Olag motioned to one of his guards to open the holding cell. The prisoners that were already inside moved away from the cell door as they knew what happened if it even looked like they were going to try to escape.
   

     “Uh, boss. Is he okay? He doesn’t look so good and you got a trail of blood and teeth a mile long behind you,” the guard said. Olag shrugged, which was all the answer he was going to give the guard. Taking a hint from his superior the nameless guard dragged Jiram’s lifeless body into the cell and left him there. When the cell door closed the prisons came closer to look over their new cell mate. He didn’t have anything to steal and no one was about to come close enough to the dwarf to see if he had anything hidden on his semi-nude form.
   

     Olag rolled his eyes and said, “If he dies blame it on one of the prisoners and double his or her sentence. As far as you remember Jiram was fine when I dropped him off got it? Oh, and clean up all this damn blood before someone slips and falls down a flight of stairs!” The guard scampered off as Olag went into his own office, which was far less opulent than his lieges. Still it fit him well and he was more than happy to be where he considered himself the top dwarf.

[Railick Stonemane]

     Jiram slept in his semi-coma state for days and the prisoners did everything they could to make sure he stayed alive. None of them knew which one would get stuck with the doubled sentence and none of them wanted to be there any longer than they had to be. Some of the prisoners were there for good reason, and indeed two of them had been pirates long ago.
   

     It was Traia who did the most good, pouring stale water into the corners of his mouth just a little bit at a time to make sure he didn’t choke. They left him on his side to make sure his bleeding gums didn’t cause him to drown in his own blood, and before long he was surrounded by a pool of blood and excrement. Traia was the only one that would go near him as the others decided it was unlikely they’d get picked for the double sentence if he did die.
   

     The dwarf maiden’s skin was pale from years of being stuck in a dungeon with no sunlight, her body all skin and bones from constantly being on the edge of starvation. The years of no exercise left her weak and frail, but her will was still strong. Even though she was the only female in the prison and she was topless constantly the other dwarves never bothered her. They all knew her husband was Ohwea and none of them was willing to cross him.
   

     Finally days later Jiram awoke; the sudden sight of a nude dwarven maiden causing him to grin in a silly toothless way. His first words were “I’m in heaven?” Traia shook her head and smiled a bit, running her skinny fingers through his tattered hair. Jiram frowned as his eyes went a little crazy, “Well then I want my check back, I never signed up for this! The camel made me do it! He told me it’d be fun but since we left I haven’t seen a single hamster! He won’t even share his hump water!! CAN YOU IMAGINE!?!?!”
   

     It didn’t take long for Jiram’s literal insanity to drive the prisons figuratively mad. That very night the bookkeeper escaped the prison “somehow” when the guards weren’t looking. No one could explain why none of the other prisoners escaped, or how the cell door magically unlocked itself. No one questioned it as even Olag didn’t want that crazy bastard back in his prison for another second. One more speech about why eating raw iron was good for your testicles and prisoners would have torn him apart even if they got life in prison.
   

     “You did a good thing there hun, I’m proud of you for taking good care of him . . . still I think you should have just put him out of his misery. He’d be a lot happier and quieter if here we just dead.” Traia smiled in her little special way that drove Ohwea wild. Even in prison life was perfect as long as he still had her, and even the guards weren’t cruel enough to separate the pirate and his beloved wife.