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[pikorge]

False. Lucky me.
The next person knows at least 2 languages.

[Hiddenleafguy]

False.
The next person posts at least four times per day.

[Tomasque]

Sometimes true.

The next person hates people who make it a point to tell others how much they hate something.

[Nunzillor]

False.

A watched pot never boils unless it is watched.  True or false?

[Stirk]

False, as I have scientifically proven with a hot plate, several assistants, and a few hundred dollars in watches.

The Next Person owns both a cat and a dog.

[Nunzillor]

((A watched pot that isn't watched is no longer a watched pot.  Instead of a watched pot boiling, it is an unwatched pot boiling.)) 

True.

A clapping hand makes no audible sound if no one is around to hear it.

[Stirk]

((Watch=Time piece
Watched pot=Pot that a time piece has been applied to.

Geddit?))

False. Clap is an onomatopoeia, thus if you are clapping you are producing an audible sound. If no audible sound is produced, then there is no sound to onomatopoeia. It would be like asking "What Moo does a cow make when nobody is around to hear it?", if the cow begins speaking German or remains silent, it is irrelevant as that cow is not mooing. A moo can only make a moo sound, or it is not a moo. A clap makes sound by definition, or it is not a clap.

The below user likes puns.

[Nunzillor]

((I do now!  Also, the definitions of clap I see are "strike the palms of one's hands together."  There's no mention of sound except in the sense of "clap of thunder."))

False.

You dislike koans.

[Rubidium]

False.
The next person likes KE$HA.

[UnicodingUnicorn]

False. It sounds like a scam.

The next person does not obsessively bump threads.

[Hiddenleafguy]

True, I do not, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they are wrong.
The next person is sad that Squee's is broken for a bit.

[Hiddenleafguy]

Trueish, I didn't know that you could have spaces in your name when I made my account.
The next person is homeless.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

False

The next person owns a cellphone

[DAPARROT]

true

the next person owns a fez