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Author Topic: Okay, so I ate this elf  (Read 1684 times)

Kamamura

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Okay, so I ate this elf
« on: July 14, 2014, 08:26:19 am »

I was sneaking to a site called "Dark pits", expecting some adventure, when I encountered this elf. Just a lone elf in the night, with jewelry made of bones and hair. Must be a vampire, I thought. Silently crept right behind her, not to spook her off, and chopped her in half with a steel axe. Went down like a bag of potatoes.

So to become a vampire, I licked all the blood, and ate her. Heart, kidneys, liver, fat, everything. To my disappointment, I have not become a vampire. Only one think happened - wherever I go now, I leave a trace of thick, disgusting slime, like a giant snail. Any idea of why's that?

I was so angry that I nearly wiped out a nearby goblin village, and forced the survivors to serve me as The Lazy Chaos of Hustling. Checked legends of the eaten elf, nothing special bar spending some time in a freak's captivity and ripping some other elf's leg off.
 
« Last Edit: July 14, 2014, 10:33:02 am by Kamamura »
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The entire content consists of senseless murder, a pile of faceless naked women and zero regard for human life in general, all in the service of the protagonist's base impulses. It is clearly a cry for help from a neglected, self absorbed and disempowered juvenile badly in need of affectionate guidance. What a sad, sad display.

Dyret

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2014, 08:32:16 am »

She was probably just a warrior of some description. You'll see the same kind of trophy-taking behaviour with retired adventurers.

Out of morbid curiosity, though, how long did it take you to eat an entire Elf?
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Kamamura

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2014, 08:34:25 am »

Well, to be honest, I still have a few leftovers in my backpack. Ate the most significant parts first, and left meat and fat for laters.
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The entire content consists of senseless murder, a pile of faceless naked women and zero regard for human life in general, all in the service of the protagonist's base impulses. It is clearly a cry for help from a neglected, self absorbed and disempowered juvenile badly in need of affectionate guidance. What a sad, sad display.

klefenz

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2014, 09:22:30 am »

Elves are cannibals and take trophies from fallen enemies. As for you leaving a trace of slime you should check your guts are all right. It sounds like something spilled them.

DwarfOfTheLand

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2014, 10:30:28 am »

You ate an elf.

I applaud your sensibility in eating useless things in the world, instead of the wildlife.

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¤MASTERWORK¤ Dwarf Fortress - V.3 -
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CaptainLambcake

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2014, 11:52:48 am »

this is hilarious

im happy we can butcher sentients now, i just wish we could eat vomit
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You wake up in (suddenly) your room not somewhere Armok knows where. Travels in deserts and goblin forests turned up to be a dreams borned by procreation of your autistic imagination.

Kamamura

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2014, 11:57:14 am »

BTW I checked my guts, and I have zero health problems. I think nobody hit me even once, because nobody ever seems to fight back.

However, I have a suspicion that the slime comes from my backpack, that all the nasty elfiness I could not eat in one sitting is slowly dripping from my backpack as I walk. Which would be awesome. 
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The entire content consists of senseless murder, a pile of faceless naked women and zero regard for human life in general, all in the service of the protagonist's base impulses. It is clearly a cry for help from a neglected, self absorbed and disempowered juvenile badly in need of affectionate guidance. What a sad, sad display.

ShinQuickMan

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2014, 12:10:18 pm »

Could it be your tears? I've heard adventurers can occasionally leave a river a tears when they kill something.
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jarathor

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2014, 01:08:18 pm »

If you've been in an evil biome, there's a chance that the ground was just covered in slime and you've been tracking that everywhere. Evil slime can rain down and has different names, like vile ooze and what not; I'd be that's what's happening here.
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Cthulhu

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2014, 01:09:38 pm »

You were near a goblin town, so did you walk through an evil biome?  Some evil biomes are full of rancid slush and putrid slime and other gross things that cling to you.

If you drink vampire blood your needs will immediately disappear, so if you're starving, dehydrated, and exhausted, you'll suddenly be feeling great.

And you'll be able to see lifeforms outside of your line of sight in the form of a red glow.

Though your dedication is certainly impressive.

Trophies like that are pretty common, like some other people said retired adventurers will usually have stuff like that when you unretire them.  This just makes me more excited.

All we need now is trophy-taking in game and bounties (and a better conflict system, but that's probably just a little buggy right now) and we'll be able to play Blood Meridian with elves.
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Kamamura

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #10 on: July 14, 2014, 02:38:05 pm »

Okay, the problem is solved, after unretiring the adventurer, the slime is gone. I was positively in badlands, I remember slaughtering half a goblin village because they refused to acknowledge me as their lord and change their name to The Lazy Chaos of Hustling (after a while of aggressive persuading, they finally did).

Exploring the surroundings, I have found and entrance to a dark tower, and I must say these things are maniacal, underground mazes of doors and narrow corridors.

Finally, I have found a shallow pit full of goblin corpses and coffins crammed with troglodyte scepters, garlak bone crowns, and other grisly accessories. Pretty cool, almost felt like I am in a Lovecraft novel.

Finally, I wanted to descent to what seemed a shallow, round place, so I jumped, and it was actually a shaft leading into a huge cave system. My leg was bruised through troll skin trousers. My head got fill impact, but the ground was deflected by the iron helmet. My nose exploded in gore. That was the last thing I saw.

RIP Domas Glovefountains, The Armored Tragedy of Shreds, lord of The Lazy Chaos of Hustling. (Cool name, eh?)
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The entire content consists of senseless murder, a pile of faceless naked women and zero regard for human life in general, all in the service of the protagonist's base impulses. It is clearly a cry for help from a neglected, self absorbed and disempowered juvenile badly in need of affectionate guidance. What a sad, sad display.

Starwing

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Re: Okay, so I ate this elf
« Reply #11 on: July 14, 2014, 04:10:44 pm »

Congrats on devouring elf flesh. Now throw flesh you didn't eat into magma sea as sacrifice to Armok.
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