Hi there! I'm a 29-year-old ladyperson with AS as well (or high-functioning ASD if you prefer, labels are not so important methinks). I didn't get my diagnosis until I was 23, so congrats on at least having some answers and a starting point for improvement! It's a good thing.
Everyone's life and situation is different, so I can only tell you a bit of my own story. First off, as of right now, I am fully independent. I live in a country far, far away from where I was born (and from my entire family, which is a good thing in my case). I speak 3 languages. I manage my own visa and all legal paperwork. I have my own apartment and a job I love. Starting in August I'll have two jobs, both part time; one as a teacher (what I do now) and one as a magazine editor in an office. I have a comfortable life and friends who accept me as I am. Sometimes I am dissatisfied with my abilities. I still have meltdowns. I am extremely hypersensitive and I work with loud little kids. I take public transportation to work and am surrounded by strangers for several hours a day. Sometimes I start to shut down. I get angry with myself for not being able to do all the normal things. But in the end, I look at where I am in life and realize that many people with my problems (I also have bipolar I and probably narcolepsy) would never move away from their parents. You gotta work with what you've got.
When I was a teenager, things were not good. I was alone, the world was wrong, I was constantly told that everything I did was wrong and that it was my own fault. I had zero support and no answers. I was terribly depressed. All through university this continued. I was smart and academically successful, so no one wanted to admit that my social and sensory issues were not my own fault or my own choice. I also had an abusive mother and a thoroughly unsupportive family who bullied me every day. It was not good.
The solution for me turned out to be to just get the hell out of there. This was the hardest, scariest thing I've ever done. Part of it was luck. I had a teacher in college who held me accountable. She helped me find a position in a boarding school in Switzerland where I'd be cleaning and babysitting and maybe teaching a bit in exchange for room and board. She made sure I submitted the application. She didn't let me make excuses.
In the end, that was the start of a new life for me. I will never move back to America. I live in Prague now. Thanks to that teacher, and the people I met along the way who helped me learn social skills, basic life skills like cooking and cleaning, and helped me learn to do things even though they are scary, understanding that it is okay to make mistakes, that I will learn as I go, that really I can do anything once I decide to just do it... Now I have this life.
America is a rough place for autistic people, assuming you live there. If you're never traveled, I highly recommend you do that. Just to see how completely different the atmosphere is in different places. How people just accept you and don't expect you to be "normal" and don't see why "normal" has any value whatsoever.
I can't tell you exactly what the right path for you is. You are welcome to try applying for the position I did in that school ("Helper"). They hire a new group of kids every year, usually high school graduates who are taking a year off before they go to college, but I think the requirements are pretty loose.
Have a look at the school (it's amazing, really it is) and imagine waking up to that mountain view every morning.
Or consider joining Habitat for Humanity or the Peace Corps or something like that for a year or two. It would be terrifying, but the key to breaking out of where you are now is to actually experience something completely different. It is possible to change things without such drastic measures, but it's far more difficult and takes a lot longer.
If you do decide to take a big leap like that, just remember to take it one step at a time. Focus on what you need to do RIGHT NOW rather than letting yourself get overwhelmed. Have people keep you accountable and not let you procrastinate until it's too late. After it's all done, you will be a stronger person, you will understand yourself better, you will feel in control. Maybe you will decide to move back home and get a job stocking shelves, but at least you'll know for sure that it's really what you want, not just what you felt was your only choice.
You have a choice in what to do with your life!If you have sensory problems, be careful about working in retail. I did that for 2 years and it was just awful. The lights, the noise, the people. Unexpected things happening all the time, and low pay to boot. Feel free to try it, just be prepared for that. Other good ways to make money include things like elance.com, if you have writing or computer or graphic skills. It is critical to try new things, though, or you will never discover the thing you're best at. In Switzerland I discovered that I have a talent for teaching that I never would have known about otherwise, and now I'm a very successful teacher with a job that I love, that leaves me enough free time to recharge my batteries and relax in silence. If I had stayed in retail, stocking shelves and shrugging off crazy ideas like leaving the country for a year, I'd still be back there, stocking shelves, depressed, living with my mother, hating life, being alone.
Regarding visualization, I'd also caution you about that. It turns out that when we visualize ourselves succeeding in something, our brain treats it as though we have already succeeded, and we lose our motivation to actually succeed. Science says so. Better to do than to imagine.
A better route for trying to develop yourself and discover who you are and what you want to be, in my opinion, is through philosophy. A martial art (tai chi in my case, kung fu or karate or tae kwon do or any other one would also work) will teach you to control your own body and grow your confidence. Find a good teacher, though. If the teacher is focusing on fighting or power, it's not a good teacher. A good one will teach you how your body and mind are connected and help you to discover yourself. If you are religious, you can study your religion for inspiration. In my case, I have developed my own philosophy over the course of many years. I take a lot of inspiration from
Vulcan philosophy. Yes, it's a fictional thing, but it has a lot of wisdom and has helped me a lot in my life. I also do a lot of "brain hacking," learning how our brains actually process information and emotions and manipulating those things to make myself happier overall.
Cracked.com has a lot of great articles that helped me a lot. Here are some great ones. They're funny, which is a good bonus, but also accurate.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-youre-accidentally-making-everyone-hate-you/http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/http://www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.htmlhttp://www.cracked.com/article_18611_the-10-most-important-things-they-didnt-teach-you-in-school.htmlhttp://www.cracked.com/article_18544_how-the-karate-kid-ruined-modern-world.htmlhttp://www.cracked.com/article_17061_reminder-5-things-you-think-will-make-you-happy-but-wont.htmlhttp://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-most-useless-pieces-advice-everyone-gives/http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-reasons-news-looks-worse-than-it-really-is/http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-popular-beliefs-that-are-holding-humanity-back/That's just for starters. There's loads more. I've gotten more inspiration from that web site than from almost anywhere else when it comes to understanding and improving myself and my life.
Okay, long rambly post over. The biggest piece of advice I can give you, after all that, is not to run away from things because they are uncomfortable or scary. All humans do that to an extent, autistic people WAY more, but it will keep you in an unhappy place forever. Find some way, any way, to force yourself to just DO stuff, even if that requires getting someone else to give you a push. Your life will get better.
You're still young, and there's plenty to look forward to. Feel free to send me a PM if you ever need any more specific advice. I'll do my best to help. : )
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Topic: A Deficit in Abstract Thinking? (Read 1725 times)