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[CaptainMcClellan]

Please help... I don't know what to say or do and now I'm really sad...

[Pnx]

I'm afraid I don't think there's much you can do, I'm sorry dude, it's generally a shitty thing all around. I think the best you can do is just be there for your girlfriend.

[CaptainMcClellan]

Mmm... Well yea. I planned to. I just...

[mastahcheese]

Pnx said it best.

Really, I was in the same situation as you were when my wife's brother committed suicide.

I know you want to do something, anything to help, but there really just isn't.

Just be there for her.

[CaptainMcClellan]

Mmm. Thanks Mastahcheese. I kind of know that... but I was wondering if maybe there was something that I just hadn't thought of. And honestly, I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with it either... I'm hurting because she is. But she's mad at the girl too... which I can understand but can't help. And it's not even so much that she's mad so much as hurt, and that's what she said herself. I asked her if she was mad, because that's what it sounded like based on what she was saying, but she said she wasn't. She said she just "lost respect for her" and that she was more upset than mad. So...

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Anger at the source is a common coping mechanism for stress, it probably won't last.

[mastahcheese]

Yeah, it's a very complicated thing all around.

Being... upset, towards the person who did that is completely understandable, and usual. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way.
When someone commits suicide, they probably aren't thinking about how other people will be affected by it. They might not know, they might not care, there's any number of reasons, but generally, if someone is actually aware of how others will take it, and is concerned about that, then they probably aren't going to do that in the first place.
This is why a lot of people would consider it to be a... I guess "selfish" act, because it's not putting the emotions of other people into consideration. I personally have mixed feelings on the matter, but that's not important right now.

So yeah, being upset that they did that is completely normal, and understandable, and there's not really much you can do about it right now.
Either it'll heal in time, which isn't something you can speed up, or it won't, and that's not something you have control of, either.

I know that it's hard to take, but this is one of those few times in life where you really have no control over it.

Ninja'd by MSH.

[CaptainMcClellan]

Yeah, it's a very complicated thing all around.

Being... upset, towards the person who did that is completely understandable, and usual. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way.
When someone commits suicide, they probably aren't thinking about how other people will be affected by it. They might not know, they might not care, there's any number of reasons, but generally, if someone is actually aware of how others will take it, and is concerned about that, then they probably aren't going to do that in the first place.
This is why a lot of people would consider it to be a... I guess "selfish" act, because it's not putting the emotions of other people into consideration. I personally have mixed feelings on the matter, but that's not important right now.

Well yea, I know that. And to be honest, I can understand that because its an argument I used to talk myself out of suicidal thoughts. It's actually my go to response to suicidal tendencies. It still doesn't mean that it's a "selfish" act, per se. In fact, often they feel that they are "relieving people in the end". And I told her "sometimes people just don't win."

And I know it won't last.

Heh... yeah. I think that in time she will heal and I'll be there to help that as long as I am able. Right now, she just doesn't want to think about it, she asked me to distract her. So after a bit of questioning and crappy attempts at trying to find "the right words", that's just what I did. That's what I'm doing now. I just feel like that's only burying the problem without dealing with it though. On the other hand, I know pressing the matter is the absolute worst thing to do and will probably ingrain the problem deeper and longer. In addition to making her upset with me and adding a new challenge to overcome where I'll be the enemy instead of a friend. Well, time is said to be able to heal all wounds... so. * shrugs *

[Vector]

Distracting her lets her emotions get a rest... it's not just a sign of repression always, you know?  Sometimes you need time to let your brain process stuff, before feeling things will actually start helping you feel better as opposed to just leaving you wrecked.

[Jack Smythe]

Well yea, I know that. And to be honest, I can understand that because its an argument I used to talk myself out of suicidal thoughts. It's actually my go to response to suicidal tendencies. It still doesn't mean that it's a "selfish" act, per se. In fact, often they feel that they are "relieving people in the end". And I told her "sometimes people just don't win."

And I know it won't last.

Heh... yeah. I think that in time she will heal and I'll be there to help that as long as I am able. Right now, she just doesn't want to think about it, she asked me to distract her. So after a bit of questioning and crappy attempts at trying to find "the right words", that's just what I did. That's what I'm doing now. I just feel like that's only burying the problem without dealing with it though. On the other hand, I know pressing the matter is the absolute worst thing to do and will probably ingrain the problem deeper and longer. In addition to making her upset with me and adding a new challenge to overcome where I'll be the enemy instead of a friend. Well, time is said to be able to heal all wounds... so. * shrugs *

From personal experience, time is all that'll work. I had something similar happen in my family, and the best thing to do is just be there for her. She's mad because she's hurt, and she wants to shove it away because its just too much to deal with. Its normal. I had to do the same thing.

Be there, help her, listen to her if she wants to talk, and, if at all possible, distract her and keep her from obsessing over it. She just needs time for it all to sink in and get used to it. Its like any injury, you have to bandage it, not pick at it, and clean it, to use a horrible metaphor.

In the longish term, she will need to talk about it eventually, even if she doesn't think so at the moment. Holding that sort of stuff in can end poorly. It did for me. Don't press, don't nag, but just be there and help her adjust to life again. Getting a routine helps. It makes life make sense again.

Sorry if that made no sense whatsoever. I'm still on the tail end of similar events, and it is a bloody mule kick in the gut no matter what. I am honestly, truly sorry you two are going through this.

[CaptainMcClellan]

Yeah. She went to the visitation today. That seemed to go well, I didn't press much. I asked if she got to say what she needed to say, and she said she did. And I asked her if it made her feel any better, and she said it did. And she said she never wanted to see a dead body again. Then she corrected herself and said "a dead human body". And after that I said "Well, I'm not going to ask you any more about it." And she said thanks. And now we're playing a game together online. So I feel like she's recovering and I'm happy about that. Thank you all for your advice, I think I'm probably going to close this thread now. Or at least lock new comments.

EDIT: I can't find out how to do that, so I'll just let it stay open. topic locked. Hopefully it'll help anyone who's going through something similar...