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[Yoink]

The aging machine!

WELL ANYWAY I'M CHANGING MY ACTION BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT

>FEED BABY NUTRITIOUS BABY GOOP Goop made for babies, or goop made from babies so it can absorb their power? YOU DECIDE!

>READ SCI-FI NOVELS TO BABY AS BEDTIME STORIES

>GIVE BABY ITS FIRST LASER GUN FOR ITS FIRST BIRTHDAY

[smurfingtonthethird]

>give baby nutritious potato fondue
>give it a pet weasel

[darkpaladin109]

The aging machine!

WELL ANYWAY I'M CHANGING MY ACTION BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT

>FEED BABY NUTRITIOUS BABY GOOP Goop made for babies, or goop made from babies so it can absorb their power? YOU DECIDE!

>READ SCI-FI NOVELS TO BABY AS BEDTIME STORIES

>GIVE BABY ITS FIRST LASER GUN FOR ITS FIRST BIRTHDAY

+ A SINGLE BABY

[smurfingtonthethird]

The aging machine!

WELL ANYWAY I'M CHANGING MY ACTION BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT

>FEED BABY NUTRITIOUS BABY GOOP Goop made for babies, or goop made from babies so it can absorb their power? YOU DECIDE!

>READ SCI-FI NOVELS TO BABY AS BEDTIME STORIES

>GIVE BABY ITS FIRST LASER GUN FOR ITS FIRST BIRTHDAY

+ A SINGLE BABY

+ QUEUE THE DEAD BABY JOKES

[LordSlowpoke]

The aging machine!

WELL ANYWAY I'M CHANGING MY ACTION BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT

>FEED BABY NUTRITIOUS BABY GOOP Goop made for babies, or goop made from babies so it can absorb their power? YOU DECIDE!

>READ SCI-FI NOVELS TO BABY AS BEDTIME STORIES

>GIVE BABY ITS FIRST LASER GUN FOR ITS FIRST BIRTHDAY

+ A SINGLE BABY

+ QUEUE THE DEAD BABY JOKES

[5] YOU GRAB LAIKA BY THE INFANT SNOUT, FORCE ITS MOUTH OPEN AND FEED IT SPACE GOOP. TENDERLY SO. YOU BRIEFLY CONSIDER THAT YOU SHOULD DECIDE ON ITS GENDER SOMETIME, BECAUSE THIS IS TOTALLY A THING THAT YOU CAN DO AND IT WILL INFLUENCE NOTHING BUT AT LEAST WE CAN GET THE PRONOUNS RIGHT. MEANWHILE, LAIKA BURPS. HOW HEARTWARMING.

[2] YOU THEN GENTLY HEADBUTT OPEN A COPY OF 1Q84 AND FIND THAT IT IS WRITTEN IN SPACE GOOP. YOU RESORT TO FEEDING LAIKA THE BOOK INSTEAD. YOUR SHIRT IS COVERED IN BOOK BARF.

[6] SLAMMING OPEN THE FAMILY SAFE YOU HAND YOUR CHILD A PULSE DISINTEGRATOR. THE ONE ADORNED WITH ASSISTANT LEATHER, WHICH YOUR FATHER USED, AND HIS FATHER, AND YOUR FATHER'S FATHER'S FATHER DISINTEGRATED HIMSELF WITH IT. IT FUMBLES AND SHOOTS A HOLE THROUGH THE HULL, DISINTEGRATING AN ASSISTANT IN A PORT HALLWAY.

DING! THE LAIKA IS NOW ONE YEAR OLD. FIFTEEN REMAIN!

MYSTERIOUS STAT ONE: 2
MYSTERIOUS STAT TWO: 0
MYSTERIOUS STAT THREE: -2
MYSTERIOUS STAT FOUR: -1
MYSTERIOUS STAT FIVE: 2 (+1)
MYSTERIOUS STAT SIX: 0 (+1)
MYSTERIOUS STAT SEVEN: 1

let it warm up, guys

>

[TamerVirus]

FORCE HER TO MAKE SPACE BEEF WELLINGTON FOR THE UPCOMING EVENT!

TEACH SPACE BABY IN THE WAYS OF SPACE NINJITSU!

HAVE SPACE BABY USE LASER GUN ON SPACE ANIMALS IN SPACE PARK

[BFEL]

FORCE HER TO MAKE SPACE BEEF WELLINGTON FOR THE UPCOMING EVENT!

TEACH SPACE BABY IN THE WAYS OF SPACE NINJITSU!

HAVE SPACE BABY USE LASER GUN ON SPACE ANIMALS IN SPACE PARK

+1

((I love that parenting simulators are a thing now I had piecewise make the last one, so quite invested in success of babby.))

[darkpaladin109]

FORCE HER TO MAKE SPACE BEEF WELLINGTON FOR THE UPCOMING EVENT!

TEACH SPACE BABY IN THE WAYS OF SPACE NINJITSU!

HAVE SPACE BABY USE LASER GUN ON SPACE ANIMALS IN SPACE PARK

+1

((I love that parenting simulators are a thing now I had piecewise make the last one, so quite invested in success of babby.))

+1

[Spinal_Taper]

TEACH HER THE BASICS OF BOMB MAKING. GOTTA STOP THE SYNDICATE GUIZ.

[IcyTea31]

TEACH SPACE BABY IN THE WAYS OF SPACE NINJITSU!

HAVE SPACE BABY USE LASER GUN ON SPACE ANIMALS IN SPACE PARK

TEACH HER THE BASICS OF BOMB MAKING. GOTTA STOP THE SYNDICATE GUIZ.

+1 to these. We'll later need to GET DAT FUKKEN DISK, as the allusion to Space Station 13 has been made.