This...
This is all innacurate, wrong on so many levels. Let me educate you over the actual history - as well as the tragedy - behind alcohol.
~~~
In the beginning there was nothing, and it was good.
Nothing was content to be for nothing was required, but in the void of nothingness there was an absence, an aching hole that required something to make it complete.
In nothing, there was a concept of something and nothing sought to make that concept complete.
For ten whole minutes - time, something that would not be rediscovered until much later - nothing laboured to bring into being that what it felt was missing.
That something burst, or rather bubbled into being as it rippled outward, replacing nothing with something.
That something was Alcohol.
Alcohol was, but simply being was not enough for it. It felt that as nothing before it, there was a void in its existance. Where as nothing had been a concept, it was very real and it required a very real solution to fill the void that it too felt.
Learning from nothing's mistakes, Alcohol sought to safeguard its existance by preventing itself from vanishing with the creation as it pressed ever onward with dizzying vigor to complete its own plan.
That plan was the creation of the dwarves, with skin and bones made from miscellaneous stones that Alcohol had created, feeling that it would need them for this task.
With a body of stone the one thing remaining was to provide life to the dwarves that it had created in the form of its blood - but the potent blood of Alcohol was much too dangerous precious to put into dwarves, so Alcohol created water, with what it diluted the blood that it gifted its creations with.
Jubilation!
The dwarves opened their eyes to see their creator and they knew it to be good, yet they too knew that something was missing.
Alcohol knew that simply validating its existance with these creations was not enough, so it sought once more to undergo the task of creating something, something that these dwarves would be able to call their own - much as it called them its own.
Alcohol created a sphere in the void, one that it placed the dwarves upon, and the rest as they say, is history.
Dwarves do not brew drinks to stave off sobrietry as many believe, but to renew their connection to their ancient creator and god, via this holy and reverent act.
Brewer Urist McIwonderwhatthismushroombrews
Author
Topic: Dorfs and booze (Read 1214 times)