Warning: 3149 words of amateur rambling ahead. I haven't yet purchased my domain or web host, so everything will be in forum post format for a while. You have been warned.
Journal of Jaryk Mognor, rat-killer extraordinaire
I have begun to rethink my chosen occupation on this gods-forsaken island. After twenty five years of life, I have become Fallmarrow's sole exterminator. Fallmarrow is a fairly small town having a population of only 2400, meaning that I frequently do not have quite as much work as I would like.
As a result, I have approached Elnin Arborshade, the town's only wizard (What are Kenan and I, then, if not wizards?), regarding my expansion into other colleges of magic. My fellow citizens may balk at first, but they will soon come to accept and embrace Jaryk's Extermination and Fine Eats. If only I could convince the pennypinchers to give me a small loan on a nice bit of storefront. But I digress. This journal is about the events of the day, not my hopes and dreams.
Kadanna, one of the members of the guard that I've known since we were children, dropped by today after I finished the few small jobs that I had. She told me that things have recently gone missing all across town. Kavorn, the harbormaster, is apparently having a rat problem, as well. Why she told me about the missing stuff, I have no clue. I'm an exterminator, not a detective. Kadanna offered an adequate reward for fixing Kavorn's rat issues, so I agreed to help.
Stomping rats is tiring work and is much more enjoyable if you have a stomping partner, so my first order of business was to head out to Kenan's small farm plot just outside the city wall and recruit him to help. I should learn to keep my mouth shut, however. I offered Kenan half of the take, though I suspect he would have been in had I mentioned that we were simply going to stomp rats for fun.
With Kenan in tow, I head off to the harbor district in search of Kavorn. When we find him, however, he has no information of any importance to give us. He's continually going on about lost product.
Heading into Kavorn's storehouse, we see William, one of Kavorn's bean counters, busily counting beans at his desk. Being polite, I greet him. He grunts, undistracted from his bean counting, and continues ignoring me. Others take him, then. He's got less manners than the gods gave a mule. Ignoring him right back, I proceed down the stairs and into the basement, where the goods are normally kept.
It's dark down here, so I light my lantern. It doesn't help much, but it's better than nothing. In the dim light we set out searching for the rats we were told about. "Search" might be a bit generous - you would have to be blind, deaf, and anosmic to miss these particular specimens. Three huge rats bound out from between the mounds of bags of flour we were moving. They have to be the size of the shepherd dogs that some of the farmers keep.
Taking me by surprise, the lead rat rushes me, teeth bared, snapping at my jugular. I feel its fangs sink into the thick leather of my jacket - luckily I had thought to throw it on before leaving. We must have caught them by surprise as well.
Thinking quick on his feet, Kenan begins weaving mystical energies to form a spell. Taking a cue from him, I also begin casting. Mine goes off first, firing a jet of red-hot fire in the general direction of the front-most rat. Luckily, the flame jet hits the dirt and not one of the many bags of bone-dry wheat surrounding the rat.
The lead rat prepares to lunge at me at the same time that Kenan lets the spell he's working on loose. It slows as it rears back on its haunches until it finally freezes in place, teeth bared and unseeing eyes staring at me. Showoff. He probably just wanted to try out his new spell on something that couldn't complain that he hasn't learned stone to flesh yet. I make a mental note to lug the fearsome rat statue to my place of business. That will surely drum up some work for me. The two other rats are blocked by the bulk of the foremost, so they mostly gnash their teeth at us. One manages to slip around, however, and sinks its fangs into the tender, tender flesh of my crotch.
Understandably, I don't enjoy it. I respond by spearing the rat in question with my cutlass. Why I brought that with me to deal with rats I'm not sure, but I'm glad I did. The final rat is handily dispatched - Kenan crushes its spine, while I chop it in half.
I try to do some first-aid, but the pain makes it a bit too difficult so Kenan does it for me. Don't tell him, but that hurt like a bitch. I got the last laugh, though. Your brother is going to decorate my shop and serve as a coat rack for years to come.
A quick search reveals two 5-foot tunnels hidden behind piles of wheat bags, leading in opposite directions. We quickly debate our next course of action. I could turn some of the wheat into poison and shove it back into the tunnels. Kenan could shape the earth, filling in the tunnels. Or we could go upstairs, tell Kavorn to get the walls patched, and go spend our earnings. You can guess which we chose. I relish the look on William's face as we lug the rat statue up the stairs and he takes a momentary break from counting beans to ogle us.
After dragging my new decoration home, we set out to the most popular inns in town, the Sleepy Captain. Popular, indeed. It was packed, even with the dirge-playing bard overwhelming us with his noise. We got the last two seats at the bar and ordered their special, some form of meat and their fire mead. The meal was forgettable, but the mead was some of the best I've had in a while. We were midway through our meal when Kenan noticed drops falling from the ceiling and landing next to my plate. How I didn't see them, I'm not sure. I must have drank more fire mead than I thought I had.
The barkeep is wholly useless when we flag him over, so we go upstairs to do an investigation of our own. This presents another problem - we're not entirely certain from what room the drops were originating. I know that there's blood in the room, though, and that certain creatures consider blood to be a form of food, so I should be able to tune “detect food” to detect which ... and I hear Kenan saying he found the room. But it's locked! This is certainly my time to shine. My training has allowed me to turn any physical substance into food. If I just take a moment to calibrate my spell, I can... and Kenan has picked the lock with a stray nail. Showoff.
It's pretty dark in that room, so we grab a hanging lantern from the hallway, shutting the door behind us to prevent any misunderstandings. Lying on the floor next to the bed is an unmoving body with a still-wet pool of blood. Turning the body over, we see that it's a man and there's a pretty big hole where his gut used to be. A preliminary search of the room shows absolutely nothing of value. The man looks like a sailor, which isn't unthinkable as we're at an inn near the harbor district, though he doesn't have any form of document identifying the ship he came from. His bags hold absolutely no valuables.
Letting Kenan distract himself with trivialities like ensuring all of the man's organs are there or determining if the wound was caused from inside or outside of the man's chest, I preoccupy myself with the more important matter of finding out how the assailant got in or out of the locked room. Drawing a blank, I let Kenan talk me into leaving as there's really not much we can do.
The following morning, I'm yet again greeted by Kadanna, who scolds me for not taking care of yesterday's rat problem. I indicate the frozen rat next to my door, which seems to be enough to silence her for now. She informs me that the issue needs to be resolved today. There have been more thefts and two bodies have appeared. One belongs to William, the bean counter. He will not be missed. The last belongs to someone named Marward, just in off the docks. He was apparently found in his room in the Sleepy Captain with a hole in his gut. That's one problem solved! Kadanna offers me a 20 gold reward to finish this once and for all and something extra if I find the missing stuff, but I manage to secure an equal payment for Kenan. We're offered one or two watchmen, but that will result in a slightly lower reward.
I head off to Kenan's and convince him to help me finish this. It didn't take much – that's more than he makes in several months. He's also got several growth spells to make up for the fact that he's neglecting his farm for a few days. Having battled the creatures with me, he thinks we should accept the watchmen. Kadanna informs us that we would only get 18 gold apiece if that's the case. Eighteen? Sign me up. We also get to raid the armory for whatever we may need. We both end up with a full suit of mail, which we're told we can keep after all is said and done.
After raiding the armory and being lightly mocked by our two escorts, we head back to the warehouse this all started at. William is nowhere to be seen – in his place is a dry, dark puddle. Being sure not to step in the puddle of William, we head downstairs. No rats to be found this time, thanks to whichever of the gods gets a kick out of watching over us. The tunnel that we uncovered is still uncovered. There are a few materials here and there, as if someone thought about fixing the tunnel but then decided they needed more than a bucket of paste.
Flipping a copper, we head down the tunnel that we uncovered. Okay, that's a lie. We didn't flip a copper, we were just lazy.
Did I say lazy? I meant stupid. Fast forward a half an hour and we're still in this gods-forsaken tunnel, slightly hunched over. I would say the heat and exertion are making my shirt stick to my flesh, but it's really impossible to tell from under the weight of my mail.
After another ten minutes of trudging along mindlessly, the tunnel turns to the left. We can make out the light of a torch on the other side. After a minor debate about what we should do, I'm about to conjure up a quick extinguish fire spell when Kenan charges around the corner. Not wanting him to get murdered too badly, I abandon my spell and quickly follow him. Around the corner is a room, much like the one that we started in. Along one wall is a set of stairs leading to the floor above. In the middle of the room is a large table covered in flasks of many colors.
Doing a quick search, we find a chest full of various treasures behind the stairs. There are no papers of any kind in this room – if the owner of the building above is an alchemist as one would assume from looking at the collection of flasks, one would assume that there would be a recipe. In lieu of a recipe, however, I find several deep scratches in the tabletop.
One of the guards following us, whose name I forgot as soon as I was told, heads up the stairs in an attempt to figure out where we are. Predictably, the door is locked. Somewhat unpredictably, we soon see the point of a sword poking out the back of his mail shirt. Thinking we could talk our way out, we get Victor, the remaining guard, to identify us as soon as we drag the other guard down onto the floor of the basement. Surely whoever it is will open the door more willingly for the town guard than for an exterminator and a farmer.
In response, we hear a gravelly voice tell us that we have ten seconds to get out of here. There's no way that's happening. Backing down the stairs, I stand in front of the table and grab two flasks at random. Victor stands beside me, ready to take on whoever may be above. Kenan cowers, trembling, behind said table. He's probably wishing he wore his brown pants.
In short order we hear several different, horrifying screams, as well as the sound of bone shifting on bone. Once that quiets down, the bashing starts. After several hefty hits, the door is still standing. Our magical abilities inform us that the door is magically protected from being opened. Still, the door cracks, splits, and eventually explodes out in a cloud of splinters. Through the dust and shrapnel charges an absolutely huge rat, bigger than two of us put together, and three of the small ones like we fought previously.
Victor is understandably shaken, but he mans up to perform feats that will make his brethren proud. He starts off by cleaving one of the small rats in two. He spends the rest of the battle being molested by one of the others, though neither manage to wound each other.
Cowering behind his makeshift cover, Kenan begins weaving a spell. Again, I get my spell off before he does. This time my aim is true, striking the rat in front of me square in the face and setting its fur ablaze. It attacks, but gets a face full of dirt as I knock it aside. The big rat hangs back as if waiting for something, perhaps seeing if its tiny cousins are up to the challenge.
Kenan's spell goes off, to little fanfare. The big rat shudders slightly and glares at him, having shrugged off the spell. Damn, that would have made an even nicer trophy for my shop.
I'm holding two flasks of unknown provenance. What else can I do but wing one at the burning rat right in front of me. Apparently the liquid contained within was flammable, causing a flash of light and smoke as the rat burns ever brighter. It turns tail and tries to flee, only to expire painfully at the foot of the stairs.
At this point, Kenan begins building a particularly powerful spell. I can tell he's not rested enough for this as he shrivels ever so slightly before my eyes, powering part of the spell with some of his life force. The spell goes off without a hitch, however, causing the earth to shift beneath the behemoth rat's feet and swallowing it whole.
This provides us with a moment's respite to free Victor from the rat he is battling. Three on one, it's quickly defeated with a few well-placed cutlass and hoe strikes.
Just as soon as the last small rat is defeated, the now-buried rat bursts forth from the earth. It's still on uneven footing and is mostly covered, but it will surely be completely unhindered in short order if we don't do something quick.
Before we can react, however, it gets in one good swipe at Kenan. A combination of his mail shirt and the frailty of human limbs when confronted with magically-enhanced rat flesh saves his life. His arm hangs limply at his side, all but useless. Enraged and sacrificing any defenses he may have had, he takes a swipe with his hoe and... bruises the creature's paw, which is the only part of the creature currently not covered in dirt.
Victor does slightly better, managing to nick one of its claws.
Enough of the monster is now exposed, so my magics should be effective. In the heat of the moment and in response to the immense danger, I weave the ambient mana into a particularly powerful jet of flame. I daresay old Arborshade could hardly do better than I did. Letting loose my awesome might upon the creature, something has to give. That something just happens to be the rat's body, as its flesh begins melting and its eyes pop sickeningly. It collapses to the ground, dead and smoldering. A matter of tens of seconds later the corpse begins to shift sickeningly, twisting and contracting until it's the form of a human. Victor is visibly shaken but manages to hold onto his lunch.
The beast slain, we do a quick search of the premises before tending to Kenan, ensuring that there are no more surprises. As we suspected, his arm is crippled. Setting his arm, we begin the final portion of our job and do a thorough search of the house above. We find almost nothing of interest, but there is one letter hidden away that appears to be of interest. It seems that a small-time thief in the area by the name of Jahan somehow got ahold of a transmogrification formula, allowing him to turn into a giant were-rat. He's been experimenting on the local rat population, resulting in the dog-sized brutes we fought. He has been using his newfound skills and allies to steal more than ever before.
This is all above our pay grade. We send Victor out to get Kadanna, who arrives promptly and with our reward. I suspect Victor was eager to get a breath of fresh air and leave this house of horror behind for a short while. Kenan's first expenditure is heading to one of Fallmarrow's finest healers to get his arm fixed.
Not one to leave a job unfinished, I lead another, somewhat larger group of guards down the tunnel that we ignored in the warehouse, where we find a rat nest. Not just any rat nest, but a collection of dozens of dog-sized rats. Through liberal use of tactics and fire, they are eventually dealt with. Once that business is over, it's time to settle the matter of our additional reward. Divvying up a few percent of the stolen loot, Kenan and I come out with the equivalent of 55 gold each. Not a bad take, if I do say so myself.
With my newfound wealth, I may take a break from the extermination business and look into setting up my enterprise. I'll be sure to keep some spots open for Kadanna and Victor (who really lived up to his name, by the way) if they should ever tire from guard work.
All in all, I'm semi-pleased with my work. I'm no writer and could definitely do better, but it's my first work of fiction in years.
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Topic: Rats! (Campaign Journal, Updoot 1) (Read 918 times)