Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Shook]

So yeah, i think i'm stressed, even after a long summer holiday, where i had a whole month to chill out. I feel averse to doing pretty much any task that i don't consider relaxing, and the ones i HAVE to do bring forth a feeling of helplessness. A feeling that brings thoughts like "i have no fucking idea about how to do this", "i really really don't want to do this at all" and "why is this even relevant to me?". If i have even the slightest bit of difficulty with doing study-related work, i am much more prone to just sit and stare, hoping that the answer will just suddenly hit me. But it rarely does, unless the instructor at hand manages to spot my confounded body language and ask if i need help. Out of the 3 classes i have right now, i only have a reasonably good understanding of one of them, a barely acceptable understanding of the other, and next to no understanding of the third. I don't feel like i have any motivation to pursue anything above this.

All this can mostly be summed up as me feeling like i NEED to relax, but i can't. I feel like i need a long period of time free from expectations of others, free from doing things that i don't want to do. I've been in the educational system from the very start till now (approximately 15 years) without a single break in between the years, barring the annual summer holiday. Other than being at my computer and having a few hobbies, i haven't ever done anything that isn't related to education.

I'm starting to feel it, badly. Last semester, i was SO close to shutting down completely. I managed to pull through, even passing all the exams on the first go. Although i was tremendously relieved after the last exam, i haven't really been feeling quite 10/10 since then. The beginning of the last set of exams also marked the beginning of my stomach woes, which have plagued me for a while now. The doctor initially said that i was producing too much gastric acid, which did indeed turn out to be at least part of why my stomach felt bad, but it wasn't the entire reason, since i still occasionally had some bouts of problems with the damned organ. It only got worse after classes started again, even though i was delighted to see my friends again. I am now currently waiting to be able to be tested for a peptic ulcer, but that is a different matter.

... Or is it? Because although peptic ulcers are usually because of a bacteria, increased gastric acid production can be caused by many things, including bad diet, genetics and... Stress. I get the distinct feeling that the two are related, but i'm very hestitant to draw any conclusions on my own, knowing my hypochondriac tendencies. The problem is that i'm not really getting any good chances for a respite, because even though we have 4 major annual holidays (summer, autumn, christmas and easter), all of them are marked by exams. Only the summer holiday is long enough to get any proper relaxation, and that's only once per year. I don't think it's enough to counteract all the stress i'm getting nowadays.

I'm a guy who likes to do things at his own pace, but i find that to be an increasingly utopian notion. All these deadlines for everything, all this shit we have to learn in a very short amount of time. I feel like a goddamn animal in a machine with no way out but through. I want to take a break, but i don't feel like that's an option, because it'll probably end up with me having wasted 2 years of my life on a study without even getting a degree for it. I don't particularly want that to happen, but i also don't want to end up breaking down, which at the moment seems like a very real risk. My stomach being screwy only compounds this, especially during the current time where i have to be off antacids (doctor says minimum one week, else i can't be tested for peptic ulcer).

However, having written all this, i can feel my emotional state returning to normal again. But the fact that it takes as little as a difficult assignment to throw me into a lengthy ramble worries me, and i honestly still feel like i could do with a major break. Why i'm posting this? Well... I'm not wholly sure, i just don't know what to do. I think i'm going to try talking to the doctor about it next time i'm going there (which will be fairly soon, given my stomach and all that), but i don't suppose any of you have some advice for the situation?

[Vector]

1. Start keeping a journal.  That should help a lot.

2. Try to do some sweaty exercise every day.  Walking, jogging, running, whatever.  Just do as much as you can.

3. Work on building your strength so you can raise your hand in class.  If you can lean on the teacher instead of having an antagonistic relationship, that should help a lot.

4. Don't ask "why is this relevant," ask "why is this beautiful?"

5. Get yourself a study group to work on assignments with.  Do as much as you can on your own, but don't be afraid to lean on them, either.

6. Eat yoghurt to help buff your bacterial fauna.  If you have local access to kefir, you can try that, too.

A lot of this is basic advice I give anyone with the issues you've brought up, but since you said you where helped a lot by expressing yourself, I'd suspect that what you really need to work on the front end of the problem is better social connections.  Go leech off of other people's motivation, or get some buddies to complain with, and work on getting teacher support.  Write in that journal when you're feeling overwhelmed and don't have any better options.  I think it'll help a lot.

Best of luck, buddy.  I've been there and it's gettable-outable.

[Shook]

Thanks, Vector. <3
I've been wanting to start a journal for a while now, so i'm definitely going to try my hand at that. As for exercising, i'm trying to get into that, but i'm unfortunately the kind of guy who doesn't really enjoy exercise that much. It'd be good for me to get into a proper routine, so i'll definitely give it a shot.

3. Work on building your strength so you can raise your hand in class.  If you can lean on the teacher instead of having an antagonistic relationship, that should help a lot.

Raising my hand in and of itself isn't an issue, i'll happily raise my hand... If i know what to say or ask. The teachers are generally really nice and cool people, the biggest problem i have with participation in class is that i tend to space out and/or doze off, thanks in large part to me not being a morning person. I'm also hindered by having an extremely difficult time taking notes and listening at the same time, something that has been a problem ever since i learned about taking notes to begin with.

4. Don't ask "why is this relevant," ask "why is this beautiful?"

An excellent idea, and truthfully, i often do get a "oh! this is pretty cool!" feeling when i finally do understand something thoroughly. It'll require a bit of restructuring of my mind, but it should be possible. :U

5. Get yourself a study group to work on assignments with.  Do as much as you can on your own, but don't be afraid to lean on them, either.

This, i definitely need to do. I like to think i can fly solo, but as one can expect from a guy as lazy as me, that's generally not very true. The only thing getting in the way here is my shyness, and also fear of rejection. Again, one of those things i just need to jump into without thinking, because i really overthink things a lot.

6. Eat yoghurt to help buff your bacterial fauna.  If you have local access to kefir, you can try that, too.

... Huh, come think of it, i haven't had yoghurt for a while. It might help, so worth a shot!

A lot of this is basic advice I give anyone with the issues you've brought up, but since you said you where helped a lot by expressing yourself, I'd suspect that what you really need to work on the front end of the problem is better social connections.  Go leech off of other people's motivation, or get some buddies to complain with, and work on getting teacher support.  Write in that journal when you're feeling overwhelmed and don't have any better options.  I think it'll help a lot.

Best of luck, buddy.  I've been there and it's gettable-outable.

Once again, thanks, i really appreciate it! The OP was made during a low mood swing, but nevertheless, it's still very relevant now that i've cheered up and finished homework for today. I don't think i'd be having such dramatic mood swings if i weren't stressed.

[gimlet]

When you really feel in the weeds and some new horror gets piled on, yell "THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER!" and laugh maniacally.   It does actually help, now and then :p

[Garath]

One of the things I remember from my time studying is that I was constantly thinking and worrying about pretty much everything. While I was sitting in the subway on my way to classes I'd be thinking about the possible subjects for my next assignment, often getting nowhere because the first thing I'd have to do was check if there was enough (readily accessible) documentation. A better use of my time would have been some meditation or something else just to clear my mind of all those useles worries. I'd actually advise meditation in general. If that sounds vague, think of it as getting up 5 minutes earlier and sitting down focusing on waking up, without anything to confuse you or distract you, no coffee machine beeping, no shower yet (or after the shower, whatever suits you), no hurries, no demands, no things to do except checking if the metaphorical engine is running ok. I've talked with a lot of people who laughed at the idea, tried it and all said the same. Taking those few minutes to clear your head for the day ahead gives you a head start. Or just made things clearer and less stressful. It should definately help with the "I'm not a morning person" problem.

Another thing meditation actually can help you with is focusing on the now. While you may have an insane workload, you can only work on one piece at a time. Working on that assignment may actually be quite fun. It's not fun if you're worrying about the other things you have to do. However, since you really can't work on the rest, the best thing to do is to focus on what you can do. Right now, you can finish this one assignment. After that you pick the next most urgent or interesting one and focus on that etc etc. It's helped me on several occasions.

A last thing coming to my mind is about the restructuring of your mind that you mention. Thinking positive, such as 'why is this interesting/cool/beautiful', works for a lot of stuff. One of the toughest one I've encountered but that helped me a lot is to change have to into want to. People always talk about the things they do as the things they have to do. I have to eat regularly, and I have to watch what I eat too. I have to go out with my friends, but I also have to finish my work. I found that if I really considered most of those things, I really really wanted to and none of them really really have to. I can eat as irregular or unhealthy as I want. I don't want that, I want to eat regularly and (moderately) healthy (don't take away my caramel chocolate). How is this focusing on positive? 'Have to' usually focuses on what we lose or how we get punished if we fail. 'Want to' most often focuses on what we stand to gain.

I can ramble on a bit on topics like these, but I'll leave it at this for now. In all honesty, I'm quite unsure of myself at times so I'm waiting how well recieved this part is before (ever) posting anything else in this part of the forums. I'd actually written one more paragraphs about why you don't 'have to' get a degree, although it would be nice, so it's good to 'want to' get a degree and one paragraph about final years of study, or other end things in fact, which creates worry and fear of the future as much as, well, a year in advance easily. A final note was spent on how I've stood in your place years ago and didn't choose to get a degree. How I regret I never did, but how I'm not sorry for the life I've had since, I still made the best of it, I just had to work harder at it. Maybe I'll write it out again someday.

[Darkmere]

^^^ mostly a reply to the above

I actually went through the same thought process. Getting out on my own was (like many) the first time I really had a chance to determine my own destiny. I almost fucked it up. "I don't want to go to (class I hate) today, and I'm An Adult so I don't have to. "Today" became "this week" and started spreading from there.

(To the OP) Don't do this. It took me a long time to come back from that point, and the attitude is infectious.

I agree with everything Vector and Garath said, especially about meditation and keeping a journal.

However you may need a more practical solution. I'm not sure how your 3 classes equates to a class load, but if you're looking at multiple terms of full loads in upper-division coursework, you may want to drop down to part-time and add one more term and a job, to be doing something besides school all the time.

Spoiler: Side-note to all current and potential university students (click to show/hide)

The single best choice I made in undergrad follows, take it or leave it:

Most universities will structure your class load with every general education and elective class in your first two years or so. Don't feel obligated to do this. I pushed some 2000-level courses into my senior year, and having some simple classes that were only "take notes, take test" instead of "take notes, do projects, do research, meet with groups, cover for incompetent group members" will do wonders for your stress levels, sanity, and time management later on.

Otherwise.... you may want to find a relaxation ritual. I had 3 or 4 depending on who I hung out with at the time: About 8 of us would go to a restaurant on college night every Monday. Later, a friend and I would walk around campus once or twice a week after hours to get exercise and not be buried in books. Later, I'd go to book stores with my girlfriend. Later on, a couple friends and I would go to a dive bar every Thursday (suitcase college) and have a beer to unwind. Pick none, one, or more. The point is to have a set time to do something that isn't study so you don't burn out.

[Shook]

My usual relaxation ritual involves copious amounts of gaming, preferrably a solid round of Brutal Doom with my dear brother. I actually don't do nearly as much homework as i probably should be doing, which might also factor in on making the really big tasks more stressful. Part of the stress probably actually comes from the fact that i'm not as competent as i'd like to be, because unlike much of the preceding education, university is actually legitimately hard, and i can't just cruise along in the same manner as before.

As for spreading the remaining work out over a longer time, i'm not sure if that's easily doable at all. I know one of my friends is only taking 2 classes per quarter (standard is 3, as i'm doing) because she couldn't handle 3, so it could probably be done, somehow. It might mess up my schedule really badly, however, and although i have been thinking about this, i think i'll save it for a last resort.

@Garath: Let me take the burden off your mind and say it's very well received.
I've actively been trying to think "want to" instead of "have to" today, which, although moderately successful, was hindered by my extreme tiredness at the time being. Lectures seem to have a very sedative effect on me, especially when i haven't slept very well. I think i fell into multiple microsleeps during the class. >.>
Also, this morning, i tried that "just sit around for 5 minutes and wake up" thing, and it was indeed pretty nice, even though i was dangerously close to falling asleep again. Again, probably because i didn't sleep very well this night, because i was sluggish most of the day.
As for thinking about too many things at once, that's mainly a problem when i'm NOT working, because i've already realized that it's rather unpleasant to be thinking of anything else but what you're doing at the moment when faced with a difficult task. I should probably expand this a bit to include "the thing i have to do once i'm done relaxing" on top of "the thing i am doing right now".

@gimlet: Heh, i've found that black humour often helps me feel better, so maybe it'll work here too. :U

Also, yesterday, i started that journal thing. It consists of entry date, a short ramble, and then 3 good things about me, per entry. I'm probably going to be doing those by the end of the day, because i don't have many thoughts beyond sleeping in the morning.
Already now i can feel that it's nice to have a completely non-judgemental place to write what i have on mind, even if others won't ever read it. This is for myself, and i think i need to take care of myself some more. :I

[Garath]

worrying about everything you have to do tomorrow/this week is usually one of the biggest contributors to sleeplessness, so it's definately worth to apply the 'live in the moment' technique there too. One thing I can laugh about now is that sometimes I couldn't sleep thinking about all the things I had to do the next day, going over the list in my head again and again, and later that night not being able to sleep because I was worrying I wasn't getting enough sleep to be able to function the next day. Talk about messing with my own head.

I know what you mean with almost falling asleep again, which is why I always set an alarm clock for that. In any case, even if I do doze off, sort of or mostly or completely, I usually find I'm still more 'awake' afterwards than without. I guess one thing that will help you a lot is to sleep well for a few nights. Things always look bleak without enough sleep. Some exercise before going to bed, early enough so any adrenalin and such has time to leave your body, is always a winner. There are various herbal teas or other drinks to help you relax, but try to stay away from things in any way like medication unless things get desperate. It's dangerously easy to become dependent on them and dangerously hard to get rid of that, also because it's hard to admit to it and seek help. Whatever happens, don't use alcohol (or other more addictive drugs, legal or not) to sleep, that's a one way road going down. On this I'm not one of those morally righteous people preaching the evil of the bottle (or whatever). I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt and don't wish it on anyone else.

One thing that helps a lot is the same as what helps to wake you up. Taking 5 to 20 minutes to have a quiet moment to yourself and just think about the day and listing (as in the diary) what you've accomplished, or just focusing on breathing easily, clearing your mind, that sort of thing helps a lot to prepare you for sleeping. Just think of how easy it is to fall asleep using it in the morning.

Another thing that was told to me was 'be nice to yourself'. If you have an hour free time during the day and you don't need to do any work at that moment but you are very tired, take that hour for some quiet. It was very hard for me to admit that sometimes I'm just so tired already and it's just past noon. If you usually spend such time with friends, it's up to you, but if they're really your friends they'll understand. It might be something you need every day for a while, but will probably become less frequent after a while. Since most people aren't the best company when they're really tired, your friends might appreciate it as much as you do.

Another thing people often don't realise is the effect of noise. If you spend a lot of time on a noisy school, in noisy traffic and in a noisy house (noisy house and such optional, you probably understand what I mean), that is going to take a lot out of you. Noise is near the top of the list of stress factors. I know for a fact that at least some universities have silence rooms. Well insulated rooms to give your overloaded senses a rest. That is actually also why it is generally suggested not to play games, watch tv, talk animatedly with people or just do anything that activates too many senses about 1 hour, 30 minutes before going to bed.

All of this is not what I'm doing right now. It's 2 AM and I'm listening to music, writing this, eating crisps and drinking cola. Then again, I don't have anything I have to do, or anything I really want to do tomorrow untill 2 PM.