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[Robot Parade Leader]

Question: how can one do something for Christmas in a difficult situation?

I come from a large family that has fallen apart. Several siblings all absolutely hate each other and can not / will not be around one another even for Christmas. This has been the case for years. Haven't seen them in many years; that's not changing.

So Mom, Dad, and I are together this Christmas. Mom has a mental disorder. I love her, but she's insane and difficult to be around. This has taken a toll on Dad. They are both difficult to be around, because they are so negative and refuse to look on the bright side of things. They both complain constantly and while some things could be better; they do not have the worst lives imaginable....

In the past, we've had some sort of holiday party for various extended family. Evidently, not this year.... Dad does not feel like celebrating anything and mom is unsure what to do. This leaves it not really even feeling like Christmas and that sucks.

I have no idea what to do really. It doesn't even feel like Christmas. There's a tree and maybe some poinsettias but that's about it. It's really kind of depressing. We should really do something, because if we don't, it will be bad. Actual dinner on the day will happen, presents may not (or be limited).

I mean, there should at least be holiday movies we watch....

Any ideas would be appreciated.

[Vector]

I think the answer you're looking for is "take personal responsibility" :]

[Robot Parade Leader]

In an odd way, that's exactly what I'm trying to do.... That's why I'm looking for solutions I can make work.

Problem: family has fallen apart; Christmas is rough.
Issue: What can I suggest to make things better.

Is there some sort of activity or thing I can do (or suggest doing) with Mom and Dad to make this Christmas better for all of us. Otherwise we're going to pass it off like basically nothing happened and that won't be good for the three of us.

Do I attempt to throw together some sort of holiday get together? Dad has expressly said he doesn't want one....
Do I suggest seeing holiday movies or something as a family (what remains of it)?
Do I leave them to rot this Christmas and just do my own thing with friends (that will piss them off for sure)?
Other?

[Vector]

Hmm... do your mom and dad have any family friends of their own?

[Robot Parade Leader]

They do. There are a few aunts and uncles, cousins, etc on my mom and dad's side of the family. The issue is that mom and dad complain about them and seem "fed up" with them. They don't give reasons except that they don't want to talk to them. In short, it appears they don't want to see anybody this Christmas.

Thankfully I've convinced mom and dad to keep going to my one aunt's little party on Christmas Eve. So there's at least one Christmasy thing.

As for friends, they have very few. I'm not disrespecting my mom when I say she has a mental disorder. I feel bad for her (even though it's hard caring for someone with one, I still love her). Thus, friends are incredibly difficult for her to make/keep. I am worried that if we do pretty much nothing for Christmas, that she will get worse and just give up on life thinking that there is no point.

As for holiday movies, I don't know. I could find out when some of them are going to be on TV and see if they want to watch them together as a family.
Aside from that, there may be some sort of holiday performance within driving distance (some sort of choir or musical thing singing Christmas carols).
I'm grasping at straws here.

[Vector]

No, I know... but there's different kinds of mental disorders, with different impacts, and I just wanted to check.

Maybe you could arrange a more intimate kind of holiday gathering, with just the three of you.  Sing carols as you put up decorations, make a few special side dishes that are easily leftoverable (that'll help ease some strain on your parents...) and get a couple of really baller gifts (hand-made, if funds are a problem).  Sure, ask about holiday movies and stuff too, or if your family has any other traditions, make sure to put together the framework for those to happen.  They've said that they don't want a big gathering, and they would probably want to see you and not have to be all alone, right?  There's nothing wrong with that, and you can have a nice event with just your little family--that's what I'm doing this year.  I believe in you, OP :]  You can make it work.