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[Shakerag]

Resign yourself to your lot in life and stock up on alcohol.  It's worked for me so far.


Maybe she's just got commitment issues (and/or other problems as well) and is trying to work things out on her end?  Maybe if you're the loyal and stable friend she'll eventually see that and stay with you forever? 

Or maybe you'll just never be able to get over her and you'll have to deal with this on again off again situation for the rest of your life.  Maybe you're just in a position where through no fault of your own that the world is just going to screw you over.  Maybe she'll get hit by a meteor next week.  Maybe *you'll* get hit by a meteor next week.  Who fucking knows? 

Don't try and convince yourself of anything.  Figure out what you want.  Work toward that goal.  You may never reach it.  You may suffer greatly trying to get there.  But you'll hate yourself if you never try.

[Darkmere]

[disregard]

[Sigulbard]

Why is this thread still going on?

[Shakerag]

Because dude wants to continue to talk about it. 

[GiglameshDespair]

We've said what we think you should do, so now, whether you do it or not is up to you. Yeah, it sucks. But either work through it or just put up with it, because honestly, what has changed over 20 pages of advice, comments, and thoughts? You still see her, you still get used by her, and you still get hurt by her, and you won't do enough to change that.

if you don't have the strength of will to not contact her, you have to render yourself incapable of contacting her. Aside from that, pray for a miracle, because it doesn't seem things are changing otherwise.

[Sergius]

I think at this point you have two choices:

1) Resign yourself to be what you're for her. Some sort of one-person support group / security blanket for her. Forget about any romantic pretensions with her or anyone else for the rest of your life. Your objective in life will just to make her happy no matter what she puts you thru, just because you want to hang out with her.

2) Stop this crap.


The worst thing is that you say you want to do 2, but you keep doing 1. So I don't know what's wrong. If you CAN'T do it, that means it's probably an obsessive disorder of some sort. Otherwise, you COULD do it, even if it hurts like hell, or if it feels wrong wrong wrong wrong super-wrong. You CAN still do it. We all CAN do the most wrong, stupid, ridiculous things if we wanted, like burn our computers or get in jail for painting a police car with red paint. We definitely can do it, but we don't because, well, that's idiotic. But it's not like our hand stops obeying us if we decided to do it. But if you say you're physically unable to do it, that's some sort of addiction and maybe you should consult a psychologist or psychiatrist.

[zehive]

Sometimes you just know

[Vector]

Well, you could ask her what it would take.

[Shakerag]

Well, you could ask her what it would take.

Pretty much what I was going to suggest.  Of course, I foresee a response of "I don't know" coming from her end, so you may need to gently prod a bit (assuming you two can talk about it anymore).

See if you can figure out concrete things about why she doesn't trust you.  Is it tied to specific events?  Traits about you?  Her?

Also, first off, apologize for any bad feelings you may have caused in trying to resolve this.  Might help pave the way.  Reassure you want to help/be there/be trusted/etc/etc.

Think if there's anything you can do, without asking her, to make up for any hurt done in the past. 

Also try to focus on some of the positive things between you two, and play them up a bit.  "Hey, didn't we both enjoy <blank> together?  I really want to regain your trust so we can do that again." etc.

It's not going to be easy or quick, so set yourself for the long haul.  Focus on small steps at a time.  If it is possible to regain trust, it will happen little by little and not all at once. 

[Vector]

play them up a bit.

I wouldn't do this without testing the waters.  As someone with serious, serious trust issues, that pings my manipulation-o-meter.

Rather... I don't really know quite what to say, but be careful.

[zehive]

Got a real hammer tgere

[Darkmere]

I wasn't going to say anything more here, but... look, dude. If she's cutting and withdrawn and pushing you away, she doesn't want help and you won't be able to throw yourself at the problem enough to make a difference. It's her implosion, let her keep it. You mention better things to do, right?