(I've only read up to page 25/34 in the thread, so if I seem to have copied someone's idea wholesale from the last 9 pages, that's why)
Urist McTraderdood: "Hey, those Elves have a pretty bright idea. We'll attach saddlebags to our beasts of burden, and use them as beasts of burden! Someone tell the leatherworkers to start making saddlebags, and the animal trainer to train the mules!
Urist McTraderdood: Finally closed the sale. HEY EVERYONE, NOW THAT WE'VE GOT SOME BOOZE, it's party time! Then I'm going to take a nap.
*meanwhile, in the dining hall, where everyone is No Jobbing*
Urist McDood: Hey guys, the trading's done! Everyone grab a barrel, bring it down here, and then we can start the party!
Urist McHaulerdood: I am sick to high hell of these corpses reanimating whenever I try to cart them out of the evil-zone. Seriously, I just get attacked every time! Either pair me up with one of the militiamen, or let them carry the damn bones themselves.
Sign posted on the door into the booze stockpile:
ATTENTION ALL RESIDENTS. IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO THE ATTENTION OF THE OVERSEER THAT A VAMPIRE HAS TAKEN UP RESIDENCE WITHIN OUR FORT. YOU MAY STILL USE YOUR OWN ROOM FOR STORAGE SPACE, BUT FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION, PLEASE SLEEP IN THE BARRACKS UNTIL THE VAMPIRE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO JUSTICE. GUARDS WILL BE POSTED IN THE ROOM AT ALL TIMES.Urist McChanic: Okay, hook this up to this, tighten this here, push the thing... done! Alrighty boss, the ballistae have been hooked up to the pressure plates in the entryway. If you'll make sure to keep the Dwarves out of the entry tunnel, we'll start the calibration testing to make sure that it's lined up properly to fire straight down the hallway.
Urist McArchitectdood: You know, boss, bridges aren't the best way to send people flying over ledges; they're too big, you can't work up any torque with them. Try asking the mechanics if you need an Aerial Faith Plate, apparently their Dorfputer is good at coming up with things like that.
Urist McManagerdood: All haulers, listen up! I've posted a list of priority jobs that need to be done before you resume hauling the stone from the mines up to the forge. I know, cleaning up butterflies and such is grubby, thankless work, but it's for the safety of the fort. We've already lost a dozen Dwarves to junk-induced mechanical malfunction, and if it happens again, so help me I'll send you to the hammerer for negligence causing death.
Urist McDood: Um, doc? Why are you just standing around?
Urist McTheOnlyDocter: You didn't hear? They sent out the militia to drive the Goblins away. I'm on standby in case someone gets injured, so that they get patched up in good time and can begin healing.
Urist McMinerdood: A passageway going 50m northeast? No problem. The intersections at either end will be a bit wide, but yeah, I'll just dig straight there.
Urist McDerp: Wouldn't you have to make that as a whole bunch of mini-passages?
Urist McMinerdood: Idiot. Watch and learn.
Urist McNobledood has mandated the baking of candies
Urist McKiddood: I wanna pet the kitty!
Urist McKittydood: *purr* *mush*
Urist McKid: Daddy, can I watch you work for a day? I wanna know what real Dwarves do all day!
Urist McDood1: Say, who do you worship?
Urist McDood2: I'm agnostic.
Urist McDood1: Oh! I'm atheist.
Urist McEngraverdood: ill draw boobies on this wall. lol
*This is an image of two spheres by Urist McEngraver. The spheres are bouncing.*
Urist McMilitiaCommanderp: Alright, everyone hide just behind this blind corner. The Goblins are going to be worse for wear after the stonefall traps, so we'll take 'em by surprise so we don't suffer casualties. Quiet down and wait for my signal...
Urist McDood: *pang* I see it... GLORIOUS INSPIRATION! I must have materials for my artifact, mwehehe... The weaponsmith is nice and strong, he'd be good... no, don't want to be interrupted during work, I'll go bring one of the Goblin prisoners over here and use him instead... hehehe...
Urist McMilitiaCommanderp: Why is it that we never notice the thieves and snatchers until they're inside the gate?
Urist Mcdood: They crouch.
Urist McMilitiaCommanderp: Why don't we do that? Sneak up on people?
Urist Mcdood: We wear armor, it's too loud and heavy.
Urist McMilitiaCommanderp: Right. Hencforth, our candy-armored legendary soldiers are to do squats every day. And tell the alchemists to make us some oil or something.
Urist McSiegeOperatordood: Adjust aim! Five degrees right, ten degrees up!
Urist McHelperOperatordood: Roger! *does it while first guy reloads*
Goblin McSquadLeaderdood: Hey, you! You're on point, if I fall to a trap the rest of you nitwits will be clueless.
Goblin McDood: Wow... that is an
assload of caged Goblins right here. I'm just gonna... not go that way...
Sign next to the well:
DUE TO THE RECENT OUTBREAK OF FLESHROT, IT IS NOW MANDATORY TO CLEAN UP THE FLOOR GRATES AFTER BATHING. SOAP HAS BEEN PROVIDED IN THE NEARBY BINS. NOTIFY A HAULER IF TWO BINS OR LESS CONTAIN SOAP.Urist McEngraverdood: You know, it occurs to me that just drawing pictures of our fort's history won't tell the full story, which means our history will be lost in a couple hundred years when the currently-living have passed on. I will write a commentary of each event under my engravings from now on.
Doodguy McForumNoob: I have a question. How do I <verb> <noun>?
Other member: First off, don't use magma.
Urist McDood: We're under attack.
Urist McExoticAnimalTrainer: Gods, I have been waiting to say this. Release... THE WAR BEES! AHAHAHAAAA!
Urist McDood: A Necromancer has brought his undead army to seige us!
Urist McTrader: Maybe we could just build him a sturdy house and give him food occasionally, in exchange for using his undead army to help keep us safe? Armok knows, we get enough corpses around here for him to ply his trade with.
Urist McDood: We're out of both empty barrels and wood? Alright, I'll go through the stockpiles, check the vintage of all the wine, and marry up the barrels so we have some more storage space. Hey, you, you go through the food pile, same deal. Fill all the barrels right up.
Urist McMinerdood: You're sending me all the way down there? Good lord. I'd better bring some ale and roasts with me, and maybe some blankets to sleep on. That is a lot of stairs, and a lot of mining. I'll just pack all that up in a backpack, shall I?
Urist McFarmerBrown: The plants aren't doing too well.
Urist McDrood: *casts a spell* There, that should perk 'em right up. Man, those Elves come up with some useful spells.
Urist McFarmerBrown: I know, right? We totally ripped 'em off trading for the Detect Aquifer Breach Spot spell.
Urist McDood: Who has been changing peoples' last names?!?
Overlord Valvatorez:
Author
Topic: Things that don't happen. (Read 97545 times)