Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Kedly]

I probably have mentioned before (Maybe not, I haven't been posting here that long) but I possibly have Bi-Polar 2 (I don't think the specialist has formally diagnosed me, but I'm pretty sure he's medicating me as if I have it [He said he thinks I have Bi-Polar 2 before prescribing me Quitiapine and ritalin]) and the depression part fit right in, and I have experience SOME of what everyone thinks mania is like (Euphoric, feeling like everything is right, only slightly detached). But I'm starting to think what I used to just call "stressed out" and "anxious" or more often "Stuck" might be mania as well. Today I feel like I can do no right, and not only that, that I should be doing SOMETHING to fix that. I am anxious, paranoid my actions are failures and that I will be judged for that, and stressed out. I can distract myself from these feelings, but for the most part I can't fix, or escape them. If I am not distracted I will go back to feeling that way (Before my medication it would last until I fell asleep, one of the amazing things my medication has done for me is to be able to move on and return to normal once I reach this point, before them I would be "Stuck" for the rest of the day). Actually, I can get over this feeling now. But I haven't been able to do so on Nightshifts yet due to the social isolation night shifts bring with them. Anyways, back on track, today I'm incrediably anxious, paranoid that I am annoying the crap out of everyone around me, and that I'm not being a good friend to one of my friends that's dealing with a crisis, I'm a bit irritable, and I swear I was seeing things when I drove to work. Does that sound mania-like to someone who has BP?

[Caz]

Sounds like you're more anxious of possibly being manic than actual mania, or hypomanic symptoms. It's good to be self-aware of your actions though. I'd recommend more speaking to your doctor than the randoms of Bay12 though. r/bipolar is also a good community who are more likely to have experience with manic depression in general.

Mania is characterised with more dysfunctional thinking and breaks with reality than hypomania, which is what Bipolar 2 sufferers usually get. Crazy spending sprees, hallucinations, believing that you are the chosen one sent to save humanity, that you're unstoppable and could do anything, anything, while your brain continues moving twice as fast as anyone in the room and you're spouting every inane thought that pops into your head without being able to regulate yourself. The impulsiveness and increased aggression make for a bad combination. It's pretty damn dangerous and more people are hospitalised in the manic stage than from being depressed, iirc.

If you ever do think you're entering into a manic phase, I'd really contact a doctor before it worsens.

[Kedly]

Yeah ok, I should have clarified I meant hypomania. It's only ever gotten to the point where it significantly influences my actions, never controlled them. I always remain in slight contact with reality. Right now I'm at the most stable point I've been in my life in years, so I'm not looking for help right now so much as just possibly discussing what is going on. I probably will talk to my specialist the next time I see him about this, but I live in a northern community, so I probably wont see my specialist for another couple months.

[Eagleon]

Unmedicated rapid-cycling bipolar here. I often go from hypomania to depression in the course of a day, particularly when working. What you describe sounds closer to a mixed state - the euphoria gets turned into anxiety, fear, and depression, and the energy is still there. It could still also just be plain-old anxiety, like Caz said, or it could be something else poking its head up. Look at the frequency involved - if the anxiety matches somewhat to how often you get episodes, it's more likely to be related. Stress management techniques might help regardless.

Obviously I'm not a psychologist, but I do know bipolar (and even their sub-diagnosis) are very broad disorders with a range of experiences. YMMV. Mostly I just wanted to say hi, you're not alone here

[Lectorog]

Nothing new to add here but another voice. I was recently diagnosed as bipolar type 2. I have experiences quite similar to what you've described, but I don't know if it's directly related to the bipolarity. When I'm stressed I become more paranoid, including minor hallucinations. On the other hand,

paranoid that I am annoying the crap out of everyone around me, and that I'm not being a good friend to one of my friends that's dealing with a crisis

is always me.

When hypomanic, I have urges to get things done. Sometimes I feel stuck, but usually I recognize that I can do whatever I want to advance myself, regardless of the situational norms. For example, considering that I could skip school to work on coding, even though that's not what I'm supposed to do.
The feeling of being stuck inside myself either comes during or leading to depression. Wanting to do so much but worrying that I won't be able to; that I can't make it.

Basically, because of my low self-confidence, poor experiences, and overall worldview, I see myself as nearly worthless. I can never do what is best, nor can I even do my best. I am thoroughly convinced that no-one actually likes me. I disregard standards while following along my goal of changing the world. I'm sure that I can, but the question is whether I want to or not. When I'm depressed, the answer is "No, why bother?"; when hypomanic, "Yeah, let's do it!"; when middling, "Sure, why not?".

When I get stuck thinking something, I can't stop for the day. This makes it easy to fall into depression and hard to get out of it. It can last for days, even. It just goes away; I stop caring about it for no particular reason. I don't have any control over it. Depending on my mood, various levels of distraction may help while I'm focusing on them, but it always returns.

Like I said, not much to add. I tried to address your statements, but I doubt I helped at all. But you have this, for what you make it worth.

[Glowcat]

I don't know if I'm bipolar or just suffer from ridiculous levels of anxiety but besides hallucinations my experiences match Lectorog's. Never knowing whether you're doing something right or not (only exacerbated by when you know you've screwed up), constantly dwelling on failures, never feeling like you can accomplish anything... It's crap, it feels like crap, and I hate how powerless I am against it.

[Lectorog]

My hallucinations are very minor. White car in my blind spot, something moving around the corner or on the ground, someone passing by or watching me. Just things occasionally happening in the corner of my eye that aren't actually happening. Hardly worth calling them hallucinations, but I don't know of another term.

[Kedly]

Yeah, when I was waiting at the stop light I kept seeing the car at my side pull forward for a fraction of a second before I focussed on it and saw it was right where it was, every shadow a streetlight cast seemed like a person walking from behind the streetlight for a fraction of a second before again I focussed on it and saw it was just a shadow, so yeah, minor halucinations. Enough to ramp up anxiety and paranoia though. Thanks guys for responding, I'm still getting used to my new diagnosis, especially since my usual worst months of the year are coming up around the corner. Knowing that getting stuck in these negative emotions could be related to my bi-polar help a lot ^.^

[Tellemurius]

My hallucinations are very minor. White car in my blind spot, something moving around the corner or on the ground, someone passing by or watching me. Just things occasionally happening in the corner of my eye that aren't actually happening. Hardly worth calling them hallucinations, but I don't know of another term.

Its called paranoia. It runs in my family (father suffered from extreme panic attacks when that kicked in), im paranoid a bit but im more alert and suspicious due to my logical way of thinking (aspie). My worries in the world only kick in if there's a certain goal i want to meet. i haven't found it yet so i shrug so much away.