My edit:
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Thank you guys/girls for all your helpful advice, and I am sorry for not replying earlier. It is just that I have been working too much on another book, and taking lessons from
http://englishgrammar101.com/ . I also like the bit about writing objectively, so thanks again for the suggestion, Loud Whispers. Lastly, to anyone who cares, I am currently working on a story about a sixteen year old trying to survive the zombie apocalypse while keeping both himself, and his eleven year old sister alive.
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I switched around some awkward phrasings -- I am used to editing awkward phrasing, I consistently do this myself on first drafts -- and I switched some positions of the commas.
I am, like, completely opposed to what palsch just said if you're writing dialogue. The comma is just like -- it's what the modern writer has agreed best represents a short pause that doesn't justify a period, the kind of thing that shows up all the time in the way some people talk. While it's the most important thing you need to learn to get right it's also the one you have the most flexibility on. We have a culture right now where people are fast talking, skipping through their mind lines like dogs let off the leash, rolling right past the limits we used to have, and the comma lets you emulate that if you're willing to play with it. It can give your writing a completely different tone.
Of course, if you're writing something with a more detached voice palsch's advice is excellent.
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Topic: I need some advice about my book. (Read 1805 times)