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Poll

CRUSH OR SMASH?

CRUSH
- 9 (56.3%)
SMASH
- 7 (43.8%)

Total Members Voted: 16


Author Topic: Thou art a barbarian  (Read 2080 times)

Megaman

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Thou art a barbarian
« on: August 11, 2012, 03:31:50 am »
OOGAH BOOGAH!

YOU GRUG! Grug big, powerful barbarian in tribe H'SAMS! Puny weaklings in tribe YINTEE. GRUG HATE YINTEE, GRUG WANT SMASH YINTEE! Grug favorite activity is SMASH. Grug sometimes get bored of SMASH, Grug sometimes CRUSH! Chief of H'sams is NOCAN. Nocan ancestors become chief by SMASHING PUNY WEAKLING CHIEF WANNABES! Nocan biggest man in tribe. Grug want be strong as Nocan some day. Nocan has HAMMER, while everyone else in tribe have CLUB.

Grug wake up in hut. Just become in-dee-pen-dunt of JUGG, Grug father. Grug naked. What Grug do?
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Neyvn

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2012, 05:38:24 am »
Take a swig of left over Booze. Blech and then scratch balls like all Men do in the morning. Pull on ehatever article of clothing our Tribe dresses in. Hoist MIGHTY HAMMER OF SMASH N CHUSH +2 over our shoulder. Blech again before downing remainder of booze... Scratch balls again...

Now we are ready for day...
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Quote from: Ubiq
Broker: Wasn't there an ambush squad here just a second ago?
Merchant: I don't know what you're talking about. Do you want this goblin ankle bone amulet or not?
My LIVESTREAM. I'm Aussie, so not everything is clean. Least it works...

PlutoniumApe

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2012, 05:51:03 am »
Quote from: Neyvn on August 11, 2012, 05:38:24 am
Take a swig of left over Booze. Blech and then scratch balls like all Men do in the morning. Pull on ehatever article of clothing our Tribe dresses in. Hoist MIGHTY HAMMER OF SMASH N CHUSH +2 over our shoulder. Blech again before downing remainder of booze... Scratch balls again...

Now we are ready for day...

This, then take club and find something to crush
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Neyvn

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2012, 09:08:01 am »
I ment club. Stupid phone tricked me when I wrote it...
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Quote from: Ubiq
Broker: Wasn't there an ambush squad here just a second ago?
Merchant: I don't know what you're talking about. Do you want this goblin ankle bone amulet or not?
My LIVESTREAM. I'm Aussie, so not everything is clean. Least it works...

NUKE9.13

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2012, 09:10:52 am »
Engage in some of your culture's deep oral traditions, which, though magnificent, will never be written down, and thus not remembered by future historians.

Also bash someone's head in for a lark.
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SirAaronIII

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2012, 09:25:12 am »
Step outside take a deep breath and get real high, and shout. Anything's fine.
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"I want to watch the sun setting below the horizon, thinking about my significance in this world. That's my dream."

Megaman

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2012, 04:22:57 pm »
Grug put on loincloth. Grug look handsome. Grug take club, Grug inherit club from grandfather, Shrug. Shrug die in unfortunate accident. Grug go outside, Grug shout National anthem. "OOGAH BOOGAH!" Grug real patriot. Grug see that donkey bag Blurg. One of these days GRUG SMASH BLURG! GRUG MAKE BLURG PAY FOR MAKING FUN OF STRUCTURAL STABILITY OF GRUG'S HUT! Elders talking. Grug curious. Grug notce Graline. Graline pretty, Grug want love Graline. Grug need impress her with strength. Oogah Boogah?
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NUKE9.13

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2012, 04:53:39 pm »
One feels that our protagonist is not so much a barbarian as he is a savage; barbarism is, after all, opposed to civilization, and his lack of coherent speech (or, for that matter, coherent thought) does not suggest one who has come into contact with civilized people at all.

Anyway. SMASH DONKEY BAG.

I like to imagine that the d-bag in question is an actual donkey-bag; like a saddlebag, but more simple, which Grug has imbued with a (rather hostile) personality.
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█████ Long Live United Forenia!

Megaman

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2012, 05:42:22 pm »
Quote from: NUKE9.13 on August 11, 2012, 04:53:39 pm
One feels that our protagonist is not so much a barbarian as he is a savage
MEGAMAN NO LIKE DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS

MEGAMAN SMASH
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Spinal_Taper

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2012, 06:09:07 pm »
One must curb the more selfish instincts to benefit all. Do so.
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Neyvn

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2012, 07:47:05 pm »
Quote from: Megaman on August 11, 2012, 05:42:22 pm
Quote from: NUKE9.13 on August 11, 2012, 04:53:39 pm
One feels that our protagonist is not so much a barbarian as he is a savage
MEGAMAN NO LIKE DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS

MEGAMAN SMASH
Look Megaman, Shiny, you like the shiny... You play nice and you can have the shiny....
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Quote from: Ubiq
Broker: Wasn't there an ambush squad here just a second ago?
Merchant: I don't know what you're talking about. Do you want this goblin ankle bone amulet or not?
My LIVESTREAM. I'm Aussie, so not everything is clean. Least it works...

monk12

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2012, 08:14:37 pm »
Impress Graline with our Tree-smashing abilities!

Smashing!
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Dragor23

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2012, 08:29:20 pm »
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Megaman

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Re: Thou art a barbarian
« Reply #13 on: August 12, 2012, 02:01:45 pm »
Spoiler: Oogah Boogah? (click to show/hide)

Grug have epi-f-any, Grug reee-uh-lize importance of charity and kindness. Grug forget what he was thinking about.

"GRALINE, LOOK AT GRUG!"

Grug smash tree! Graline giggle at Grug! Grug happy! Hey, what that noise? Grrr, it that orange picker Blurg! Blurg say "Grug tiny! Me better at strong! Me prove!" Then that stupid head Blurg chop down tree by throwing turtle shells at it. Grug have to one-up Blurg! Grug finally going to score!
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