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Author Topic: SCP Foundation.  (Read 890 times)

NobodyPro

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SCP Foundation.
« on: February 25, 2012, 05:16:42 am »
« Last Edit: February 25, 2012, 06:19:05 pm by NobodyPro »
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MrWiggles

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Re: SCP Foundation.
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2012, 05:45:57 am »
It needs more redaction.
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Quote from: MrWillsauce on August 01, 2012, 08:45:50 am
Doesn't like running from bears = clearly isn't an Eastern European
I'm Making a Mush! Navitas: City Limits ~ Inspired by Dresden Files and SCP.
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=113699.msg3470055#msg3470055
http://www.tf2items.com/id/MisterWigggles666#

NobodyPro

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Re: SCP Foundation.
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2012, 06:14:11 am »
I really was trying to keep that to a minimum...
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klingon13524

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Re: SCP Foundation.
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2012, 06:35:45 am »
Redact the 20 in how many years obsolete the memories can be, or fill in how many eggs it lays. Be consistent.
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Quote from: MetalSlimeHunt on April 07, 2012, 10:16:46 pm
Quote from: Cthulhu on April 07, 2012, 09:06:34 pm
By creating a gobstopper that never loses its flavor he broke thermodynamics
Maybe it's parasitic. It never loses its flavor because you eventually die from having your nutrients stolen by it.

NobodyPro

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Re: SCP Foundation.
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2012, 06:53:40 am »
Now ██ years more obsolete.
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Eidolon

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Re: SCP Foundation.
« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2012, 03:02:37 pm »
You frequently use "it's" to show possession, ie "It's exoskeleton", "observation of it's behavior". Yeah, it's a common mistake, but it will make your average grammar nazi cry. You should also put an extra space between paragraphs for readability.

Y'know, like that. The very last addendum, "I am recommending that SCP-1044 be terminated" breaks reader immersion a bit, with the sudden use of the first person.

Otherwise, I really like it and think it would make a good addition to the archives.
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In ancient times, men built wonders, laid claim to the stars, and sought to better themselves for the good of all.
But we are much wiser now.

NobodyPro

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Re: SCP Foundation.
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2012, 06:18:42 pm »
« Last Edit: February 25, 2012, 09:15:19 pm by NobodyPro »
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