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[Sean Mirrsen]

I decided this needs its own thread.
Maybe someday it'll be accepted as an official hymn of DF, who knows?

Original text by Impending Doom.
Initial revision by McDoomhammer.
Alteration and final revision by Sean Mirrsen.
Inspired by:The Ultimate Showdown

 

quote:The Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny.

Urist the miner was down in the mine
Diggin’ away, just passin’ the time
When a batman grabbed his neck from behind
And threw him in the chasm, where his death he would find
His wife didn’t see it, but somehow she knew
And oh, what a terrible tantrum she threw
Toppling over her kitchen and tossing her tarts
But a pack of war dogs came and tore her apart

Then the dwarves she was friends with got really mad,
And the friends in the mine that poor Urist had,
Even several guards caught it like it was viral,
And they all joined in on the tantruming spiral!
But though Armok was rejoicing in the volumes of blood,
The mayor couldn’t take it, so he ordered a flood
And one of the dwarves who was sane pulled the lever,
Endin’ the spiral of tantrums forever

(chorus)
This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny
Dwarves, tantrums, monsters and flooding, as far as the eye can see
And no one sane will survive, they are all doomed, can’t you see?
This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny

Well the elves came along with their hippie long hair
And the trader offered them a great willow chair
With spikes of pike bone, leather and the like
But they turned in disgust and prepared to hike
The broker was glad they were leaving already
And then pulled the lever that held the floor steady
The traders fell down with an almighty SPLAT!
And no one survived but one single cat

Dwarves looked at the goods, couldn’t find what they need
Just berries and flowers and heaps of rope reed
There was nothing of value, no need to appraise
So they locked it all up and just set it ablaze
Even barrels of Sunshine no dwarf would be drinkin’…
Them poor ol’ dwarves, they just weren’t thinkin’,
‘cause the flames hit that booze with a massive KABLAM!
And a good chunk of fortress fell in with a WHAM!

(chorus)
This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny
Dwarves, goodies, elves and explosions, as far as the eye can see
And no damn elf will survive, they are all doomed, you will see!
This is the Ultimate Fortress, of Ultimate Destiny.

Watchdwarves cried out that were waiting for traders,
Out of the forest came goblin invaders.
With a number so great that it could not be told,
They began their assault on this fearsome stronghold.
Goblins charged at the gates, yelling their cries
As the summons rang out for defenders to rise
But of all of the sounds heard from barrack and post
It's the deafening snore that was audible most

Then Agak the cook, and Obok his son,
And Ibis their pet hippo weighing a ton,
And Gobok the Almighty, and Ubuk the Farty,
And seventy-three dwarves that were attending a party,
Crossbow-makers, soap-makers,
Tanners and pump operators,
Threshers, fisherdwarves,
Every single pet in fortress
Twenty children, ten babies creeping,
And the three guards that were not sleeping

All ran to the entrance like a landslide,
Though the order was made to stay inside,
It was the bloodiest massacre that this fort ever saw
Since the elephant attack of summer '54.

The siege went on for a week no less,
Then Armok got bored and lost interest
A lever was pulled, the magma was loose,
Everyone was dead…  hey, it’s fun to lose!!

(chorus)
This is the Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny
Dwarves, goblins, corpses and magma, as far as the eye can see
And none at all could survive, they were all doomed, do you see?
This is the Ultimate Fortress… (the ultimate fortress..)
This is the Ultimate Fortress… (the ultimate fortress..)
This is the Ultimate Fortress…
Of Ultimate Destiny

I've made some alterations since the final revision in the original thread. Should still be just as nice.

Comments, criticism? Song, flash animation?        :p

[ April 27, 2008: Message edited by: Sean Mirrsen ]

[Cthulhu]

The second stanza's really off.

[Sean Mirrsen]

Second what? I'm not a poet, and not english to boot.  :p
Also, off in what sense? Differing from the source, or just not sounding correct?

This thread will also serve to improve on the song, so post any opinion on what you want changed as well.

[GRead]

I think it's that 'mad' and 'spread' do not rhyme, while the rest of the poem does.
How about:
And then some dwarves she was friends with got rather sad,
and then in short order they got really mad!

[Sean Mirrsen]

Hm. I wikied "stanza" and still don't quite understand, but I'll presume you mean the 8-line blocks I've separated the text into, though in the actual song there's hardly anything I'd call a "stanza".

Here's the replacement I've "thunk up" recently:

"Then the dwarves she was friends with got really mad,
And the friends in the mine that poor Urist had,
Even several guards caught it like it was viral,
And they all joined in on the tantruming spiral", etc.

Better?

[Coke_Can64]

Awsome... now we need someone with flash experience and a sound crew and then:

The Un-official DF Sound Krew presents:

The Ultimate Fortress of Ultimate Destiny!

[Deon]

Why do not spread and mad rhyme?
Spread = [spred]
mad = [mæd]
Isn't it?

[ April 27, 2008: Message edited by: Deon ]

[Bullion]

Then some dwarves she was friends with got really mad,
Throwing tantrums, they all faced flying beds in a myriad

Then some dwarves she was friends with got really mad,
Throwing tantrums, the way it was going, it was a crazy fad

Meh, i know they suck.

[Deon]

It could be read as RAP =).

[Sean Mirrsen]

So I presume my new lines are alright? I'll add them in then.

Currently the biggest change I'm looking for is a replacement for the dwarves in the list. Specifically, the names. "the Almighty" and "the Farty" were just there to rhyme with "party". If anyone can think up a better list, I think we'll all gladly accept it.

edit: also, Deon - that was exactly the reason I tried to rhyme them together. I guess "ea" don't sound quite the same as "a" to native english speakers..

[ April 27, 2008: Message edited by: Sean Mirrsen ]

[Deon]

But it's very close for me =).
And sounds strange. I should accept that I know nothig of english rhymes if they are very different.

[Sukasa]

I think you should change "But though Armok was rejoicing in the volumes of blood," to just "But even though Armok was rejoicing in the blood,," otherwise the timing gets mutilated, and "And the three guards that were not sleeping" to "And the Three guards who weren't steady", and "Out of the forest came goblin invaders." to "Out of the forest came a number of invaders."

[Sean Mirrsen]

It's not just verse. I'm matching it to the source - the Ultimate Showdown of the Ultimate Destiny.

The "but though Armok was rejoicing at the volumes of blood" line corresponds to "And pulled and AK-fourty-seven out from under his hat", and it wasn't added by me. Actually, now that I think of it there was another contributor. I'll go see what his name was.. Aha, McDoomhammer. I'll add him to the credits at the header.

The "Out of the forest came goblin invaders" matches perfectly to "Out of the heaven descended Chuck Norris" of the original.

Matching the final words of the fast-paced third "stanza" was difficult, but "And the three guards that weren't sleeping" seems to match the "Spock, the Rock, Doc Oc, and Hulk Hogan", though not precisely.

[Alfador]

I so want to hear this in something other than my voice. With Flash animation.  

Or even a DF movie set to the song!!

[gurra_geban]

would be awesome for an intro song! too bad frank zappa is dead, he would easily perfected it