MEDIC!
a lovely old dinosaur comes and tells you it is ok and then he puts morphine in your ass and you feel ok voila
Summon another squad, and give his heart one last good chew.
you and your homies fracture crockett’s freedom loving heart with your chewing yeah
It's Me. Monsieur Leclerc. I'm in disguise.
French Resistance: Do something competent.
you fail at competence
Activate Panzerkampfwagen Plating, Continue LAZORing davy crockett!
you cover yourself in armour and then lazor off davy crockett’s face and then an enormous crocodile foot eats you
Dinohitler - say mean words to demean Schrodinger's Cat to fulfill petty evil quota. Try not to bleed to death. Continue Total War. Continue Loved by Tables. Allow Dinonazi Group
you pretty much fail quite hard at most of this
Ravenous Elite Dinonazi Group 1 - Try to stop the Fuhrer from bleeding to death most terribly. Chant Dinonazi propaganda to make him feel better afterwards.
wait what you edited it afterwards no way man
Ravenous Elite Dinonazi Group 2 - Restrain Jacques Kennedy and apply the mystically evil Spare Moustache of Dinonazi Glory to his face (underneath his other mustache for maxi), hopefully infusing him with sufficient amounts of Dinonazism to wear him down and infect him with Dinonazi sensibilities!
jacques kennedy swats you all aside and your rival elite dinonazis from another unedited dimension steal the moustache and you uncontrollably form a dinonazi tower and a dinonazi climbs you and turns dinohitler into a zombie with the moustache
Massive Ravenous Elite Dinonazi Group 3 - Devour Ringo Starr, then vomit his remains at Davy Crockett to slip him up!
you eat ringo and also george and the beatles are quite probably over but the gm copy pasted all this before the vomiting bit so you forget to vomit but
Presumably Ravenous Elite Dinonazi Group 4 - Protect the Dinofuhrer from any that wish him harm!
your fuhrer fails at summoning you and you never turn up to the final battle and are haunted for the rest of your lives by what ifs and regret thinking that if only you had turned your alarm on perhaps you would have woken up in time to save dinohitler but no he is dead
Thank you for helping!
Now redeemable for anyone who has taken part in the attempt to save dinohitler is a special lawastooshort-bonus! Redeemable once in any one game of mine, you can at any time apply a +1 bonus to any one roll (specified in advance)!
A one is still going to be a one though! And a six is going to be even worse! Better! Worse!