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[Angle]

I have spent many years trying to fix myself, and even made some progress. but at this point,  think I may just need to take some meds. I've reached the point when I kinda find myself going around in circles. Also apparently I hadn't been previously diagnosed - that was ADD medication.

[Stargrasper]

If you're 18, unless you're actively going through suicide attempts, I'd lay off the drugs and therapy.

I say this as someone who semi-officially went crazy.  If you're just having ups and downs and suffering once in a while, spend a couple of years trying to learn how to address the problem on your own--builds character, good for you, will make you into a better person, etc.  If the problem is intractable after that, go nuts with the drugs and counselors.  Do whatever you have to.  But I wouldn't try them as a first option.

(Please take with a grain of salt.  I realize that my viewpoint is a bit weird in general)

That's a good point.

Be careful, though.  I was going to end up on meds because life had fucked me up to the point where I couldn't talk about my problems and refused to display/discuss emotions, so I looked like a person with generally normal circumstances and massive hilarious moodswings along with a really weird flat affect.  I ended up having to fix myself because there was no way, at that point, that I was ever going to trust the psychologist to the point of being able to talk to them.

(Also, the therapist, like many other people, enraged me because she spent way too much time talking about how smart I was and way too little time asking incisive questions that would have made me give up the goods.  I'm a very petulant and irritable person >_>)

So basically, just... be careful.  I'm not trying to say you're anything like me, but I wish I'd had a me I trusted to talk to me about this stuff before I went in, or before it got so danged bad.  Your circumstances probably aren't mine, but I figured I'd better try to cover the bases.

She's part right.  This might just be normal, but if it's disrupting your life noticeably, it's worth looking into quickly.  There is no reason you shouldn't ask for help from an actual professional, though.  Counseling without anything else can do wonders.  You don't necessarily need drugs.  Drugs are just a single tool.

I am also going to have to go with seeing a psychologist, at least to start off with. I wouldn't bring up the fact that you've been previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder just yet, not unless they ask and it's on your medical history, but tell them you didn't take the medication but said you did if it comes up.

It does sound like it's something you ought to do, given that you've previously had that problem, and talking it over might let you at least understand what's happening, and if there are any alternatives, you can talk them out and see what they think.

If you do go to see someone, don't try to hide your medical history.  That aside, you're probably signing paperwork so your records can be shared anyway.

I have spent many years trying to fix myself, and even made some progress. but at this point,  think I may just need to take some meds. I've reached the point when I kinda find myself going around in circles. Also apparently I hadn't been previously diagnosed - that was ADD medication.

Don't go trying to get drugs.  Only use them if your doctor/psychiatrist/medical professional thinks that you should.  And be sure to take them as prescribed.

[Angle]

well, yeah, of course.

[martinuzz]

I would like to urge you to be really careful with psycho-active medication, especially at your young age.
At the present, the general consensus in Western society, within the field of mental care, is to choose medication over other forms of treatment. This is not because medication is always the best choice, but because medication is the most economical choice.

Also, it is based on a bias towards a single scientific social model, the 'social technological', or 'medical' model.
In this model all socially deviant behaviour (i.e. phsychological disorders) is believed to originate from the person displaying this behaviour, and the only way to fix this is to look at said person's physiology, categorize and name disorders, and use technological (medical) means to cure those. This view's holy bible is called the DSM IV, or Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
I admit that being a very brief and simple summary of the model, but I wouldn't want to spam more wall of text than I already am.

Opposing this is another model, the 'societally challenging model'.
This model assumes that most deviant behaviour originates from a conflict between societal factors and personal needs / beliefs / values.
It argues that a lot of 'mental illnesses' are, at least in part, caused by personal circumstances, and emphasises on emancipation and empowerement (for instance through therapy, or self-help group councelling) to help people adjust, and live a meaningful life.

Personally I find both models have their merits, but I strongly lean towards the latter. Some mental disorders do have medical grounds. But even then, I think you should only reach for the medication if there is no other option left.

Unfortunatly, even though in academic debate both models stand strong, our current political and economical system forces mental health care professionals to grab the DSM IV, and prescribe drugs. The focus is to get people ready to 'get back to work'. This is most efficient for employers, health insurance companies, and makes trillions of money for a few big bio-tech companies. An unfortunate side-effect is over-diagnosis.

Most of the drugs prescribed for bi-polar disorder, or depression, and also ADD, are essentially hard drugs (and most are just as addictive as well). Even though I dissaprove of lying about taking medication (as this can be quite dangerous), I am glad you did not take those, as I firmly believe that not much good can come of giving children psycho-active drugs, even under the presumption of it being beneficial to their mental well-being. Too little is known about the long term side effects of most of these medications to ethically justify prescribing those to children, unless no other option remains to save a life or prevent serious injury.

Apart from that, know that: Psycho-medication does not cure you. It only supresses the symptoms. Most psycho-medication (especially those against bipolar) supress most other feelings as well. They're not as zombifying anymore as 20 years back, but still.

So even if a doctor or psychiatrist would like you to try medication, tell him you would rather not, and inquire if there are no other available options, like for instance therapy sessions, self-help groups, or buddy projects. You have that right as a patient, to refuse meds and ask for alternative treatments. That is, unless you are legally declared unfit to decide for yourself, but you do not sound like it's that bad at all. Make sure you never get to that point.

So I suppose it was quite a wall of text after all. I write this from my viewpoint as a mental welfare professional (social worker). Besides, or before going to a psychiatrist, you might want to check out if there's any social workers operating near where you live. They might be abe to help you cope with your problems, without the need for medication. That being said, there's nothing wrong with going to a psychiatrist as well, if you feel you need that. Just know that medication is not the only option.

Lastly, ask yourself: "Am I happy with who I am, but not with where I am, or am I happy with where I am, but not with who I am?"
If you are happy with who you are, know that psycho-drugs effectively change who you are in a way that you cannot control or predict. Think carefully before deciding that. There's a lot of options to change where you are, while staying in full control of that change.

Never give up - H.H the XIVth Dalai Lama

regards, martinuzz

[Angle]

My family doesn't have enough money for regular psychiatrist visits. I think I agree about the drugs, though - It might be better to not take such. I guess I'll give working things out for myself another try.