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« on: April 05, 2012, 10:24:49 pm »
Hello all adventurers! Welcome to this thread, have a seat.
Listen or tell a story of your expeirince(s) during your journeys.
Why myself jus' finished an adventure, tracking Tob the Lizard demon, and some One eyed brute.
Well, ye might ask, did you come to this quest? Well, my journey started in the frozen south, in a tiny hamlet.
I had traveled from the evil lands even farther south, which are nothing but frozen wastelands and evil trogs!
Indeed, the battles I had as a pup, but that is a diffrent tale. ANYHOW, That was I, sitting in the middle o' the snow, with nothin' ta my name but a spear and a lil' knife. Well, as ya mighta gathered I was none to happy to sit in the snow and freeze to death!
So, I walked into the nearest tiny house, which was packed wit' bodys, and all a clamourin'! Many were simple farmers, but one fellah' worked with stone, and respectin' tha I chat'd 'im up. 'E told me about the surronden area and tha' was were I learned o' the beast o' legend, the one eye'd brute! O' course, he failed ta mention Tob, the lizard demon. Toward's the end o' the conversation he said somthin' about a trog causin' trouble down in an ice cave. Well, if you thought I woldn't take a trip back 'ome to kill an ol' trog, 'ell, you don't know me! (and you just met me and don't know me but tha' not the point) So, I packed up me spear and 'eaded down south... again... Well, it was 'ather uneventful trip, but I 'ad a little boar on the way. Once I 'ad found the bugger and descend in ta the cave I came upon the bastard. With me well honed skill and strength I through the spear straight into 'is leg, and 'e felled down and flopped like a fish! Atleast I 'eard fish flop, I only seen one once, and it ate my grand ma'... But I digress, once I 'ad killed ma mark and headed back to the lil' 'amlet. So, wanderin' about I came upon another tiny house, crammed full a' people shoutin' and fightin' and laughin', 'cause tha's the only thing ya can do in a winter time. So, comin' in for some jollies I found a nice 'nough lookin' fella, but he was creepily atachted to 'is whip, and was clad in lotsa leather, which is fairly suspect. So, I bragge'd about the nice 'ole I 'ad made in the trogs face! He seem'd ta respect tha' and we hit it off. So, we chatted for a while, and this was the first time I had heard of ol' Tob up in Rosecage, the capital. Now, this intrigued me, bein' a LIZARD DEMON, sittin' in the captial city and all, so I decided to kill him! Why ye might wonder? Well, me and ma' folks are know far huntin' down the demons and killin' 'em. Sa' I said, "Les' go and beat up the bugger!" And the leather man said tha' was a bad idea, but he liked somthin' about my spunk, so 'ead follow me to glory and death! Well, we started headin' north, and neither' o' us bein' familiar with the area we stubled into a lair, on the way to a city we thought was Rosecage. Well, deciding tha' we might aswell go down and rid the townsfolks a' some monstars. So, we 'eaded down a lil' slope inta' a lil' cave and ya coulda never guessed what waited us there. A lil' girl! I 'ave know idea why she was there, but she was ravid and stark naked! Twas' a sad sight indeed... So I decided to end her misery, went down without a noise, really quite sad... With heavy harts we 'eaded inta the big city. Or atleast I thought we did. When I got ta the town, lo, me companion was nowhere! I didn't know if 'ed buggered off or frozen or gotten a lil' giddy and tried to whip a boar! Well, then I was on my lonesome. So, I 'eaded inta town, and seein' as it was a little late I crashed with a buncha drunkards. So, in the mornin', I talked to quite a chatty fellow. He congrutaled me on killin' the little girl, which was very odd, and told me that Rose cage was just a little ways up. So, upon learnin' that Rosecage was a hop, skip, and a jump to the north east I headed out, but before that I the chatty man told me about a' blessed hill or somethin', which I noted as me next adventure.
Leavin' the town I 'eaded towards Rosecage, and in not 'alf a day I found it! A nice fort wit' stone walls and guards with smashin' things! I walked right through the main gate and found to strappin' lads with a mace and a hamma! Knowin' the Tob was probably kickin' it in the main goverment buildin', I headed that way, but then I saw something odd on the ground. It was titled, "Order Cross", and, upon the fact tha' I 'ad learned about the written language from an old hag, I read it. I 'ad to wipe me eyes out with snow. It was a long diary about Tob's self loathing, and was quite cruel. It was also 149 pages, and the writing would embarass Ms.Meyer... Well, after reading that I 'ad to kill the bastard! Well, not ten steps away lied something worse then the Order Cross, It Most Have Been Deformity, written by Ugou, the one eyed brute, for Ugou, the one eyed brute. IT WAS EVEN LONGER.
I think ma eyes bleed a lil' at the end. THAN ANOTHER BOOK BY LOB, A SELF HATING ESSAY! These were the most effiminate demons I've ever heard of! Lob, the angsty 1000 something, and Ugou, the One eyed beuty! They made me throw my lunch, or would 'ave if I 'ad 'ad some lunch. Filled with rage at the literature abomination I had just read I rushed up a nearby tower, looking for Lob or the brute! That was when I found the mother load. A room fulla armor and weapons! I nearly wept fa joy!
Soon, I was armored in octupos leather armor, some gloves, a cape and was wielding the finest of iron battleaxes, with a complmientary iron buckler. I was ready.
I entered a room with 4 statues an' stairs down. One the brute of rain, one of brown recluses, one of a demon of waxy opal, and one of a human.
Shiverin', I crossed the room and descend the stairs.
Truly what I saw was awesome. Crimson hair growing in between it's thick, glossy, green scales. It's emmense form moved with an unnatural rthym, waving, hyponitizing. Dust softly drifted from its form, glistening with an unnatural light. In it's immense claw was Choose, the lizard fiend. The thing before me was 'naught but a god, a diety. Lob, The demon lizard fiend, THE ONE TRUE GOD.
"Behold mortal. I am Tob, I know why you have come."
"What are ya'?"
"I...Am...A...Master."
That was it. I prepared ma' weapon and called my companions, to fight a diety, to kill a god. My heart sat in my throat like a heavy weight.
I swung my axe.
Then they turned. More loyal to their god then me, they turned.
In a booming voice, Tob spoke these words.
"I am Tob!"
"Slayer of Mistwhip, who sought my praise, only to be rejected with death!"
"Strangler of Splashedtempest, druid of the Sweetness of Routs, whose fragile bones shattered before the might of my contempt!"
"PREPARE TO DIE!"
A hot stream of dust ripped into the brainwashed slaves and my alike, as I parryied shots from both.
I threw myself behind a pillar, trying to saves ma hide.
Blows, from the frozen mist, came like rain.
It was over in seconds.
So, that is how I came to be in this place, surronded by the dead. So, tell me, how did you die adventurer? Don't be shy."
Piware Remofewothana Pelese Ade
AKA Decievere, conqueror, writer of sappy romance
Achievements
Decived The nation of Sacks into thinking he was Lob
Led dozens of attacks on elves and goblins
Became master of the nation of Sacks
Tamed cougars, one humped camels, and everything inbetween
Wrote novels like, Fact or Fiction, Choose the Lizard Fiend, and The Art of the Princess
Killed Struga Talkcontain
